Passion and Purpose

In one of my earlier posts around self love, I touched briefly on understanding yourself and what you love. I am still a firm believer, that understanding your passion, provides purpose and having purpose is key to a happy and healthy mind.

As I’m nearing the big 3-0, I’ve noticed that the desire to understand who I am and what I am passionate about has become more significant than ever before and something I no longer can or want to ignore.

As that desire grew, I felt that I needed to talk to people around me to ensure I wasn’t going crazy. Turns out, I’m not the only person to feel this way and the more I continued to speak with people around me, the more apparent it has become that passion is a subject, that everyone, in some way, connects to. 

I speak to friends who feel deflated by their work; they are people that strived admirably to carve fantastic careers and have reached that goal, only then to feel a sense of dissatisfaction. 

I speak to friends who have only ever desired a partner or children and when they finally sit behind the perfect white picket fence they have built, feel trapped and as though they have lost their individuality. They crave their own passion, that they don’t have to share.

I speak with friends who feel when their feet aren’t moving, not in the literal sense, but if they aren’t flying from country to country, hopping from one adventure to the next, that they are confined and not achieving. 

And then there is how I feel (and I am sure many others); I enjoy my job, I have amazing people around me, I have hobbies that I enjoy but there is something… well… missing. 

The only way I can describe the sensation is similar to that of a small burning flame; you can feel something is there but it hasn’t quite set alight. I believe that flame is passion and no matter where you are in life that passion is what defines, differentiates and gives you purpose. 

I believe finding passion is an ongoing journey and I am certainly still on mine. Not understanding where you see your career, what you love, your future or even where you sit in the world can sometimes be overwhelming and the reality is, it’s a challenging puzzle to solve.

The pressure of solving this puzzle is ever hindered by social media and consumerism. They play a huge part in us being disconnected from our true selves and what we are passionate about. We are constantly pedalled to by the likes of Instagram and Facebook what should make us happy and how we should live our lives. You see beaches, products, happiness, perfection and the reality of this is, it’s not reality.

Because of this, I have found myself in a place where I feel slightly lost and I want to define what truly makes me happy. As I go along this journey, I want to share with you my experiences (as always a pretty honest and uncut version). So, I hope you enjoy the posts that follow, as always, over-sharing all the fads I pursue! 

In the short time I have been actively pursuing what my passion is, I have learned a few things and as this is my first post in this subject, I wanted to share my little survivors guide that is helping me through my journey and is a reminder to be authentic.

Failure is a finding 

There have been so many things I have tried and failed at. Being a bit of a perfectionist means that when this happens, I probably don’t take it too gracefully. 

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I always remind myself, that in searching for something I am passionate about means I will probably come across things I am not all that good at and that’s totally okay…. (I repeat to myself)

Taking the time out 

Remember the saying “slowly slowly catchy monkey”. No? Well I do, because my Grandma always reminds me of it (being impatient and all). Not all loves are an immediate spark, so, when you try something new make sure you also pursue! Not everything is fireworks initially, that doesn’t mean you can’t be passionate about it.

Make space for your own dream

We all have things that get in the way of pursuing our passions; jobs, partners, children, life. It is so easy to be drawn into that project, or your children’s hobbies, or your partners dreams. Remember to always make space for your own dream.

Comparison is a killer…

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It really is.

Don’t worry about the amount of likes and followers you have or what other people are doing around you. Your journey is your journey and watching someone else on their’s will only distract you from your own destination. 

Only follow what sets your soul on fire

Again, it is so easy to follow the crowd. When you are trying something new, seriously ask yourself if you are doing it because you love it or because everybody else is doing it? If that little fire isn’t burning, probably best you put it out. 

I hope you enjoyed this post and I am looking forward to sharing my experiences with you. 

As always, thanks for reading. 

B x

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Prince the Perfect Date

So, following Henry and I’s brief fling, it was back to the singles market. 

Now, I’m not sure about how other ladies feel, but about a year and a half into dating, I started to lose interest/hope. Conversations and small talk felt repetitive, the same dull bars, filled with the same dull people …. urgh, I was so over it, yet, I kind of didn’t want to give up hope that there were some normal people out there.

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For me personally, it wasn’t just the dullness, it was the sheer amount of weirdo’s I seemed across, from one lunatic to the next. I mean, I wasn’t looking for the man I was going to marry, but surely there was just one normal person out there that could give me some hope? Or even just a great date?

After Henry and I had got back on level terms, I had decided to get back on the dating apps.

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After the standard few conversations that didn’t lead anywhere, or even worse, conversations in which I realised that I would never be able to date a man that couldn’t spell. I started to chat to a guy called Prince.

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Yes, ladies, actual name. 

After chatting to Prince for a couple of days, he seemed so much fun, his jokes on message cracked me up to the point I would be crying at my work desk (always working hard), he lived in Chelsea (lucky thing), was a creative (big tick) and when he threw a Rupaul drag race line at me mid message, I was sold. Date it was. 

We agreed to meet at a pub South Ken way, which is usually waaaaay out of my willingness to travel to a date, but Prince seemed so fun, I made the exception. Even the date location sounded fun, we were meeting at a pub with old school board games which was also known for 90’s music, I mean, even if Prince turned out to be the dullest man on the planet, as long as there was a bit of “I’m a dreamer” rocking out in the background, I would enjoy it. 

As I walked into the pub, I noticed Prince straight away. I mean how couldn’t I, he was so hot…

But not just hot, Prince was immaculate hot. He looked like a catalogue model. 

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Jeez, I felt underdressed and undergroomed and that says a lot.

I made my way over to the table and as the male model stood up, the next thing that, well, I wasn’t quite expecting….

“Oh my god, B, babes you look totally amazing” he exclaimed. (Hands in the air)

He then followed this greeting by pulling up the corner of my coat up and announcing ..

“And Reiss, this season, wow, you got this gurl” 

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Oh good god, he knew this was a Reiss coat, he was immaculately hot and dressed better than me, surely this could only mean one thing. 

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But I’m not one to be jump to conclusions or anything. 

Anywhooo, after greeting one another (air kiss on both cheeks noted) Prince and I settled down to our date. He was amazing and we had so much in common. We chatted about everything, from blogging, to design, to travelling, to the Kardashians, to Rupaul drag race… (okay in retrospect I’m judging me too). 

After chatting for an hour and honestly not realising where the time had gone, we pulled out “Guess who”

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(See, I told you, best. date. ever)

Now a bottle of prosecco down (noted), we were being overly critical of the faces staring back at us from the cards. After starting with the standard Guess Who questions; “Are they wearing glasses?”, “Do they have hair”, “Are they male of female”, things were taking a sinister turn;

“Do they look like they would hang around a kids playground?” 

“Would you have sex with them?” 

A few of the great and drunken Guess who questions we threw out there. All of a sudden, Prince hit me with another unexpected line…

“Put down any bitch that is looking less than basic” 

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Okay, camp slap number five, noted.

I mean, truth be told, I actually loved this man, for all the wrong reasons, but none the less, loved him. 

As the prosecco continued to flow, the date just got better and better, we moved from judging our cards to judging pub goers and making ridiculous stories about them. 

As we judged people walking in and out of the bar. A pretty beautiful man strutted through the door. 

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I looked at Prince. He realised. I realised.

We were both checking out the same man. 

I had to hold in giggling, but Prince looked a little uncomfortable I had just caught his stare (bless him), so stopped myself.

The rest of the night was perfect and so much fun. It ended with us energetically dancing round the pub to 90’s classic “Finally”. 

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I honestly had the best date, not for the right reasons of course, but was so sad it was over. (Sadder than most of the men I have dated to be honest – LOL).

As the evening came to a close, Prince and I headed outside where I ordered an Uber, he insisted on paying (such a sweet guy) but I politely declined. 

We both stood there awkwardly. Usually a great date ended with a great kiss, but it was so obvious that neither of us wanted that. As we went in for the awkwardest hug in the world…

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It was so obvious that Prince had seen me, seeing him (makes sense) checking out the hot pub guy and I think it was a little mutual understanding. 

“Thanks for a great date B and for letting me be totally myself” he said. 

Honestly, my little heart has never quite melted like it did that night. He was the nicest guy ever and it was so nice that he had managed to feel himself for an evening.

It was safe to say, I didn’t hear from Prince again. It seemed it wasn’t just me looking for my Prince charming in our pairing and I genuinely hope that he is somewhere right being totally himself with some hot pub guy in tow.

Following the great date, that I was so in need of, as much as I enjoyed myself, I really was looking for a none gay date that I could enjoy.

Turns out the next date, definitely wasn’t gay….

Thanks for reading again. 

B x