A Man’s Best Friend…

So, for anyone who knows me truly, you will be well aware of my love for doggies. So you can imagine my excitement when the next guy I dated owned a real life squishy puppy! In this post, I tell you about the date with a man (and his best friend), about being true to yourself, not letting the little things slide and the one time I can hand on heart say that me (B) did not want a dog in the room … enjoy!…

After the disaster date with the TV presenter, it was safe to say that my faith had not been officially restored in the world of dating. To couple this, at the time I wasn’t sure if it was me but it felt like like everyone that I knew had decided that at that exact moment they would get engaged, married and/or have a baby. I started to feel like I was the only person in the world that was single. I would open my what’s app group to another hen party celebration or wedding group or baby shower…

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We’ve all felt that at some stage ladies… 

You’ll be glad to know, that eventually that feeling of being left on your own, it passes and you realise the importance of your own journey. I got to that stage, however, at the time sentences such as “Haven’t you thought about kids?” and a sympathetic “At least you have your career” executed by “you’re a pretty girl, surely you have a boyfriend” were sticking a little more than they probably should have.

Anywhoooo, as with any usual weekend for me (at the time) I had plans with friends and a Friday night date in the diary.

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The date lined up was with a guy called James and the initial reason I had been attracted to him (don’t judge me) was as well as being bearded, tattooed and handsome in every one one of his pictures he sported the cutest and chubbiest French bull dog accessory there ever was 

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For anyone that knows me well, this was a game changer.

James and I had initially started to chat over a dating app and had joked about him bringing along his dog (who I established was named PJ) to our date on the Friday, never once actually believing that this would happen, so, you can imagine my excitement when as I walked through the door of the pub when sat there alongside my date was the cutest fattest sausage roll looking French bull dog I have ever seen 

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I was so excited, I failed to notice the really hot man sat next to him. Following the obligatory “throw myself on the floor and shower dog with an inappropriate amount of affection” move of mine, I finally turned to James and said hi. James was very cute and I noticed immediately also very cool. 

Now, I wouldn’t say I am an “un-cool” person (I mean, I can’t say cool has a definition but you get what I mean). I dress well (you can’t go wrong with monochrome black and white, zebras always seem to look dapper right?) and wouldn’t say I’m untrendy (is that even a word) but next to James, I felt it. 

The man genuinely looked like East London, Burning Man and a tech start up had chewed him up and spat him out. Rolled up slightly loose Levi’s, no socks, unbranded trainers, an oversized mac (that still looked like it was meant to fit that way), a ring on every finger, tattoos, beard and a clutch bag French bull dog – kind of put my skinny jeans white T and Nikes to shame. 

As we sat down and ordered drinks, I was more than overjoyed when PJ decided that my lap was his location for the date.

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Once my attention had been firmly averted from PJ, James and I managed to get in some well needed conversation and getting to know one another.

Turns out James was a bit of a catch, he was head of marketing for a well known sports company, lived in a great part of town and must be a fairly responsible human given he was in charge of a dog (Becky logic at its finest).

As we talked it seemed James and I had some things in common and had really similar senses of humour. We talked about work, dogs (obvs), back home (as we were both from outside of London) and it was refreshing to speak to an actual normal and sane human being. As the conversation continued, we flipped onto the topic of fashion. 

“So, what’s your preferred label?” James asked. 

Truth be told, I didn’t have a favourite brand, black Joni Topshop skinny jeans fit me perfectly and anything else I just wore as it felt good. Must be cooler than that, my brain scrambled for the least high street brand I could think of. 

“Cos” I blurted out (totally not high street and super cool execution on my part.) “But intend to be in my gym gear most of the time.” (that part was honest) “How about you?” I asked, diverting the conversation away from my lack of fashion knowledge.

James replied with an obscure probably uber cool brand that I had never of. I nodded in agreement of how great the obscure French brand was (fraud). He continued..

“So are you actually into the gym or are you one of these girls that wear active wear?” he asked. Before I could answer, he continued “Don’t you feel that everyone now wears gym gear, so it’s kind of a guessing game as to what type of person they are? A bit like the kind of world we will in now, ironic no?”

Wow. Deep bro. I literally had no idea what he was talking about, I worked out a lot so needed gym gear plus my bum looked fabulous, it was an all round win win, I wasn’t really looking for the meaning of life in my Nike leggings. 

Anywhooo, the date continued in a similar manner. James was great, but there were a few moments where he would mention some super cool unheard of DJ or clothes brand and I would be thrown off but would continue to agree like some insane nodding dog. James seemed great and I was just so in need of time with a normal human, I overlooked the little differences 

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As the date came to a close, James and PJ walked me home and at my door, we had the standard first date kiss. The kiss was a little like the date, nice but something was missing. I shook it off, while the world seemed to be marrying itself off, I seemed to be encountering cave gremlins, I wasn’t letting a couple of little differences stop me going on another date with a nice guy. That totally wasn’t me settling…..

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…A few dates down the line and I was sat in a local East London bar with PJ and James. I had consciously dressed for the occasion, but still felt out-cooled by PJ (let alone James). The dates with James and I had continued to be nice and I just loved cuddling PJ but after us spending more time together the differences in our interests and life were becoming more apparent. After listening to a live band (that I had never heard of) James and I headed back to his place. 

When we arrived back and after more cuddles with PJ, we went through to the kitchen to cook dinner. As James cooked dinner, my mind wandered. James was always so sweet, he cooked breakfast and dinner for me, he was in a great job, made me laugh, but there was a niggle I could feel that we were different people and as much as I tried to ignore it, it kept cropping up (gut as always ladies). I distracted myself by washing my hands, I was surprised by how good the lavender soap smelled. 

“Hey James” I chirped “this smells amazing” 

James continued to tell me that the soap was a unique “animal cruelty free” brand (that I had never heard of). 

“I’m surprised you’re not more conscious of the products you use B, considering how much you love animals.” Hmm, a little condescending on James’ part. I chose to ignore the comment (I had been doing a lot of that recently) and not mention the fact he had leather Dr martens sat at the front door (ironic much on the front of animal products). I looked down to pick up the towel when my eyes were suddenly taken by James socks. 

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His socks were covered in Ganga leaves.

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Hmmm, not sure how I felt about this one. I am not the biggest fan of smoking Mary Jane (see totally cool) and as I broached the subject of James’ socks, I kind of hoped that it was one of his “ironic” things again. Turned out, it wasn’t.

James decided that he would let me into his “creative” secret and that secret was that smoking weed at 32 years of age every day was what “got him into the creative zone” and “chilled him”. I continued to nodding dog, whilst feeling slightly horrified inside. How could I break to James that the only thing that got me into a “zone” was a to do list and I was never going to be that boho cool smoky weed girl (see, I’m just not cool). 

As we headed to bed, it was now clearer in my mind than ever that James and I weren’t meant to be and as I lay down, I was actually preparing for my reasons to not “sleepover” that night. Luckily, PJ jumped in bed between us…

“See” I said “We can’t, PJ’s here” 

“Sure we can” James replied. 

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No. We. Could. Not.

Doing it in front of a dog. A dog is the equivalent of a new born baby/small angel, it was basically abuse. (lol). I would not be a part of it. 

Soon after this, James and I petered out. 

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The differences between us became too apparent and if I am completely honest, I look back and realise that I for sure wasn’t comfortable or secure enough in myself to act on that sooner and we’ve all been in that place at some stage, it’s a learning curve.

I can still firmly say that James (and PJ) were great guys to hang out with, I guess our definitions of cool were a little different and now I’m totally down with the fact I’m definitely not the coolest person and I LOVE being in my active wear 😉 

It’s safe to say the next guy I dated was not so cool (or even normal for that matter) so look out for Phil the Felon (and laugh at how I ended up on a date with a criminal – only me eh?). Phil the Felon also inevitably pushed me into the arms of someone who was definitely not my type and that is were the saga of the Work Wife starts (and you honestly won’t believe where that story ends up)…

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As always – thanks for reading. 

B x 

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The TV Presenter – That wouldn’t turn off

Following a few months well and truly away from dating, I found myself in a familiar bar spot with the girls on a Saturday night. We were a couple of bottles of prosecco’s down and talking about heading to a more classy venue in Mayfair, a conversation that we always had but inevitably ended up in Cargo (which for anyone outside of London looking a comparison is basically Sankeys…enough said) We also always ended up playing some ridiculous game like never have a I ever or some teenage type of truth or dare. Basically, my life hasn’t evolved since the age of 16, I just have more disposable income (and even saying that is slightly optimistic) 

Anywhoo, as we drank our prosecco and chatted away, I looked over at the bar queue to see if now would be a good time to stock us up on another bottle. As I did, my eye was caught immediately by a guy at the bar. 

Now, when a stranger catches your eye, lets be honest, it isn’t usually because of their mega hot personality, 9/10 times it’s because they are looking pretty. However, on this occasion, this wasn’t really the case. The guy stood at the bar was not my usual type, around 5”10 with dark cropped hair and draped in a dark green leather jacket (yes I said that), I couldn’t help but stare over. I recognised that guy from somewhere! Had I worked with him? Did I go to school with him? 

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The stranger turned around and I could now see his face more clearly.

Ok, so I definitely recognised him. Who was this man?… He looked over at the table and caught me mid stare. It was only at this point, I realised that I probably looked like a bit of a creep and was staring so intently I was practically squinting. Embarrassed, I looked away and shuffled for something to make me look preoccupied. This ended with me toasting a candle, great diversion and smooth as always. 

After finishing my delicious candle, I walked over to the bar, keen to avoid the man I had just basically eye raped. As I grabbed the final bottle at the bar, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to be greeted by the stranger I had stared at rather intently earlier. Hmm, he was actually kind of cute. 

“Hey” he said smoothly. “I’m Tim” and stuck out his hand. 

What was this? A handshake? Mid bar? Formal. I awkwardly held my hand out to shake back (what else was I supposed to do?!) and I as I did eyed Tim over. He was actually kind of cute and it’s not very often I would comment on something like this, but had a very lovely voice (it’s what every girl wants no?). And I still really recognised his face. And as if he had read my mind (or very obvious staring)…

“Yeah you recognise me right? Don’t worry, I get it a lot, I’m on TV” 

THAT WAS IT! He was a TV presenter, now I realised. I smiled, glad I wasn’t going crazy (already there fyi). He continued…

“But I couldn’t help noticing just how pretty you are. And let’s be honest you weren’t just staring because you thought you knew me” he smirked. I half expected him to finish the sentence with this…

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Wow, next level confidence.

Not wanting to bruise his ego (as I wasn’t actually staring for that reason) I agreed to a date the next week. He was cute, confident and I do love an extrovert. As the week went by, I can’t say it wasn’t weird seeing the guy I was going on a date with on my TV every night and turns out, I knew more about politics than any other person in the office (one week only guys). 

When Friday night came round, I headed over to the cocktail bar that we had agreed to meet. As I arrived, I asked the waitress for the table under Tim’s name. 

“Sorry Miss” she replied “He hasn’t arrived yet” 

I looked around the dimly lit cocktail bar and realised that the whole of the lounge was filled by pairs. I would for sure look like the third (maybe twenty third wheel) if I sat down now, so politely excused myself to wait in the local pub until Tim arrived. 

As I walked into the pub, I felt a little more comfortable surrounded by a surge of Millwall fans (mega lolz). I pulled out my phone and text Tim…

“Are you on your way? I am waiting in the pub next door and going to grab a drink, what would you like?” I pressed send. 

Within seconds Tim responded…

“Hey bae, running late, will be there is ten and do me a favour, surprise me yeah?” 

Hmmm, 20 minutes late for a date and now trying to engage in some alcohol based trivia with me. Not a great start on Tim’s part. I ordered the glass of wine and waited for his arrival. 

After another 20 minutes (not 10) passed, when like a whirlwind Tim rushed through the pub door.

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Donned in a velvet blazer and chino’s, looking like a young Hugh Heffner, I was a little surprised at how over (and not so well) dressed he was. 

“Bae” he exclaimed (dying inside right now) “I am so sorry I am late, I must seem like such an arse hole, but you know what the TV game is like”

I couldn’t decide at that stage what was funnier, the blazer, the comment or watching 10 50 year old Millwall fans roll their eyes and giggle as they shot me looks of concern. Tim downed the glass of red wine (without a thank you I will note) and whisked me away from the pub and to the cocktail lounge. 

Thankfully (or maybe not so thankfully), we hadn’t lost our table and after being seated by the waitress and our first cocktails ordered, I finally began to relax, when suddenly. 

“So, bae” he started (so loudly the rest of the cocktail lounge jumped simultaneously) “You are looking dee-vine, now, let me tell you what happened for me to be here so inexcusably late”

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As Tim went into explaining the reasons he was late (that I certainly wasn’t listening to), I continued to observe him. Had he been this loud in the bar? And why was he trying to fit so adjectives into one sentence? I glanced around and the quiet looking couple of the table next to us, stared over, obviously agitated by the conversation around Tim being late that they could here… them and me both, what I would give to be the third wheel now…

“What do you think bae?” he asked. I snapped back from my day dream. Shit. What did I think. Should I toast a candle again? That would surely distract him. Nope, let’s just go for it…

“Yeah, I totally agree” I nodded (worth a shot). Wow, it seemed to work, Tim continued to talk as my agreement to the conversation seemed to appease him. And when I mean Tim continued to talk, I mean Tim continued to talk…

“This time on set once was hilarious…”

“And you know, when you get stopped on the street it’s pretty embarrassing…”

“Meeting Ricky Gervais was such a dream…”

“No one believed in me when I initially got into acting…”

“Girls just love knowing I am on TV…”

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Two. Of. The. Longest. Hours. Of. My. Life. Later…

“So B, what do you do?” he asked (the first question he had asked me on the whole date!). It almost threw me off as I was awakened from my day dream where I had descended into thoughts around drowning myself in my shallow cocktail or how acceptable it would be to pretend faint on a date. I replied, but within seconds the conversation had veered back to Tim. Jeez, at least when he was on my TV I could turn him off – no option to do that here! 

After another hour of Tim talk, I simply couldn’t bear any more and made my excuses to order my Uber. Tim followed me outside and was loitering around. Surely he couldn’t think the date had gone well? 

“So B” he asked “Where are you heading back to?” 

I told him where I was heading back to. 

“Great bae!” he replied (loud as always) “I’m heading back that way, let’s pool” 

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Oh. Good. God. No

I couldn’t take anymore of Tim talk. But what could I say? 

“I would rather walk home through Leytonstone and risk being stabbed than be in a confined space with you?” Probably a bit much.

As Tim and I jumped in an Uber, I tried to think of a way I could not engage? Do a pretend sleep maybe? No such luck. As Tim continued to chat, I continued to try and find inner peace

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It wasn’t working. 

As Tim continued to talk, I noticed that he had pulled out chewing gum and offered some to me. Surely this wasn’t going where I though it was… 

“So B” he smiled (his very dazzling TV smile)

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“Seeing as we are here, you know, in the back of this taxi, let’s make out like sixteen year olds, yar?” As he leaned in, I felt only one emotion…

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“Sorry Tim, I don’t kiss on first dates” and with that lie told the Uber pulled outside my house. 

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Home. Turf.

As the Uber pulled away, I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god that was over. What an awful start to being back on the dating scene. Well at least it couldn’t get worse than that I thought to myself. Turns out, I was wrong about that too….

Thanks for reading!

B

x

Joey the Joker

So, before I continue with my disastrous dating diaries, thanks for coming back to read more (it means the world). For anyone new to this blog, you might want to skip back a few steps and catch up!

Any whooooo, before I tell you about the end of Joey and I, let’s give you a bit of context around him.

So Joey, is a mistake I made once, twice … okay maybe Ive made the mistake few times (don’t judge! It’s that curly hair). We dated for a couple of months and it was one of the first “sparks” I felt when I moved to London. (And there hasn’t been many, trust me). 

Hope you enjoy the ending ….

A couple of months had passed of Joey and I dating and we had been having so much fun. We talked about pretty much everything and I was constantly laughing when I was around him. He was super cheeky and if I’m honest a bit of a gobby sod (for my American friends reading – love that you are by the way – gobby sod means a bit of a mouth piece), which to be fair, matched us up pretty well.

I clearly remember a time, we were play fighting around drunk outside a pub and some guys asked “if I was okay” (they were being pretty moronic to be fair, my safety was clearly not at risk). “She’s fine mate” he shouted back “And not interested”. (Gobby get, see!). As well as being a cheeky so and so, Joey would also be super sweet. I once pulled a muscle in my back training and he turned up at the tube station to collect me and carry my bags. He then took me home, with lots of painkillers and ibuprofen gel and made me dinner (we both ended up accidentally overdosing on the gel and being quite poorly, which looking back was pretty hilarious). I was super smitten by Joey. When we were together, I think I pretty much followed him round like this..

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(Eye roll emoji at naive me back then).

We had also got past the “third date” stage and if I’m honest hadn’t really stopped “third dating” since that point. In contrast to Oscar, Joey and I’s “third-dating” was never really passionless, in fact, quite the opposite. It was exactly the “rip your clothes off/sparky” third date kind of stuff you were looking for. The energy and passion was amazing initially but as time was passing (and please don’t judge me), I wasn’t keeping up with the energy levels (lol). In fact it would get to the end of a weekend and I would be like…

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As much as I loved the “third dating” with Joey, you know the feeling ladies. I also love going on the  at Alton Tower once when I’m there, six times a day though….

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Not so much.

Anywhooo, I had spent a couple of months following Joey round like a loved up pup and things were starting to get a little more serious. Joey met my friend-friends, my work-friends (all of who loved him). I also met his friends and I when he told me that his Mum knew about me, I couldn’t help but do this…

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One night after a another lovely date, Joey and I walked back to his place hand in hand. After telling me his Mum knew about me, I was excited to tell him my Mum was visiting the weekend at the weekend.

“You should join us for a drink” I said excitedly.

And then ladies, came the first red flag (a little one but none the less a flag) Which at the time, I didn’t realise.

“Erm, B, isn’t that a bit serious?” he replied.

Wait.

Hadn’t you asked me to meet your friends and met them? And told your Mum about me? And now I was being serious…

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Feeling hurt, I wiggled my hand free from his. Well, that was really confusing, for someone who had blown hotter than my broken Remington hairdryer, his response was very cold. We walked back to his place, it wasn’t a big deal, but it was the first “chink” in Joey’s so far perfect armour that I had seen.

Unfortunately, as time continued and things became more serious, the chinks became more apparent. Joey’s immaturity showed more often and, me being me, would call him out on the baby like behaviour.

Things finally came to a head (not the fun kind), one Saturday night.

Now just to give a little context, what happened next was completely unexpected to me. When I mentioned “chinks” in Joey’s armour, they were indeed just chinks (tiny little problems) that could have been resolved, if you wanted them to be, hence my sheer confusion at the next part of the story…

It was a Saturday night and I was still hanging round in my flat. I picked up my phone and checked the time, I hadn’t heard from Joey and we were supposed to be heading for food at 7.30pm. I glanced at the screen, 7.50, well, we had missed the reservation. I knew Joey had been out until the early hours of the morning (early hours being drunk messages at 7am) and expected this may be the reason he was super late. A knock at the door, jolted me out of my day dream. I rushed to the door (with this face)

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I was greeted by (a hungover looking) Joey. He was draped in the usual leather jacket, skinny jeans, hat and long hair, urgh, it was annoying, I struggled to be mad when he was so hot.

“Sorry B” he said sheepishly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine” I responded. He smiled and continued chatting. Was that it? Could he not see I was mad. Any sane man knows that when a woman responds with “fine” she is clearly not fine. As Joey continued to chat, I gave up, although I was still upset, I wanted to have a nice night and certainly didn’t want to argue.

We headed down to a local burger bar and ordered food. Joey and I always alternated “who paid” on our dates (pod cast to come on date etiquette, who pays is a hot subject! ;)) and tonight was my night. As the delicious burgers were placed down, I basically inhaled mine. Joey on the other hand, pushed the fries and burger around his place until the waiter finally removed our plates, he looked at me in the same sheepish manner as earlier. The cheque was placed down in front of us and I footed the bill for the food Joey hadn’t eaten.

Okay, so as any girl would be, I was a little pissed by this point. Joey had a lot of cake buying and sucking up cuddles to do as I was ready to be quite the grumpy girlfriend.

As we walked back to my place, I stomped a little ahead. When we arrived back, Joey again asked the same question “Are you okay?” This time, I told him that I wasn’t and was being the grumpy girlfriend and obviously told him off. Expecting a “sorry” and a “forgive me” cuddle. I sat down next to him and that’s when he came out with it….

“I can’t do this B”

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Couldn’t do what? Now I was confused…

“I just can’t do this B, the commitment, this is getting serious”

What? I wasn’t sure at what stage I had got down on one knee and now I was seriously confused. He continued…

“This B, I know it’s going somewhere and I can’t cope. This has happened before, with other girls and it’s happening again and I just can’t handle the commitment”

(note the bold ladies).

I had to literally pick my jaw up off the floor. Where had this come from? It was like a complete 180 in a night. Sure, I had noticed he was a little cagey about certain things, but I had always brushed it off as he was so lovely…. it now made more sense.

Joey continued to go into detail about how this had happened before and why (I won’t go into it as some things are for sure private). I was still completely in shock as he talked. This was the guy I had laughed and joked and danced like an idiot in a bar with the weekend before and he had just come out with all of that….

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I stared into space, a little dumbfounded as he continued.

“I’m going to go” he said “I can’t do this”. I tried to respond, but there was nothing that could really be said.

Joey walked out and the door closed behind him.

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At the time, I literally couldn’t believe it.

Turns out ladies, this is a thing men struggle with a lot!

I have to admit, at the time, I was for sure sad for a little while but as it hadn’t been too long. I busied myself; drinks with the girls, gym and lots of good food and recovered from the roller coast ride with Joey pretty quickly.

And it was just in that moment of feeling better ladies, that these boys do what they do best….

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I mean, you can’t blame me, who isn’t a sucker for a cute curly haired commitment phobe…

Unfortunately ladies, that is when I indeed found out Joey wasn’t quite as nice as he seemed.

Thanks again for reading

B

x

 

 

He’s just not that into you.

So ladies (and gents). It’s been a busy week recording another podcast and keeping up with posts. Despite being busy, I did manage to fit in some “me” time (a whole two hours!) and watched a film that is a classic favourite of mine.

“He’s just not that into you” 

Watching the film really made me giggle but I’m sure resonates with lots of girls (and guys) in that, sometimes, that is indeed quite the truth. (As much as we all hate to admit it!) . He’s just not that into you.

As well as watching my favourite film, I also scanned a few dating blogs to look for post inspiration, I have to admit, I was a little disappointed! 

A lot of posts talked about…

“How women should behave when dating.”

“Are we too keen?”

“Not keen enough?”

“When should we text?”

“Should we leave mystery?”

I was beyond agitated reading reels of posts and I struggled to comprehend how other women could write and encourage other women to change who they are and how they act with the purpose of pleasing another human being.

Personally, I would rather spend the rest of my days with just little old me and my buddies than change myself to make another person happy. (However, pleaseeeee, don’t give yourself a hard time if you’re not in that place right now –  it does takes time). 

I came to a conclusion that unfortunately, we all have such a fear of rejection, that we guard ourselves with game playing, commitment issues, dating apps and many other things. 

But seriously, has anyone asked the question…what is so bad about rejection anyway?

Naturally, we seem to have a tendency to automatically blame ourselves when another person doesn’t “want” us – I used to be that person. 

Now, I actively encourage myself to challenge that mind set and I would challenge you to do the same. Someone else’s perception of us doesn’t define the truth and on a lot of occasions it’s actually not our issues at all but mainly the other person who doesn’t “want” us problems.

And just sometimes there is the blinding reality- “they just aren’t that into you”. Don’t take it personally, as my Grandma tells me “plenty more fish in the sea”.

So instead of telling you when to text, when to hold back, how to behave and how not to (bla bla bla) I’m going to share with you the five best reasons that my girlfriends and I have been “rejected” so hopefully you can laugh, learn and move on, it happens to the best of us! (Ps. narrated with Disney as always, Peter Pan felt apt based on boys flying off to never grow up).

1.You’re just too good for me 

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If this is the excuse someone uses to stop dating you then they’ve hit the nail on the head. You are too good for them. 

2.I’m just not ready to settle down yet but let’s just see how things go

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Ohhhh, so you know that you don’t want me, but you do want to have sex with me? I’m good thanks. Boy bye. 

3.I really haven’t found myself yet, I need to travel you know? Just do me.

Off you fuck then Peter Pan. 

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4.You’re amazing, I’ve never met anyone like you before, but, you see I have this girl in my life and things haven’t been right for a while, it’s complicated…

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You’re right, it is complicated IN YOUR HEAD, not mine. Run ladies, run a mile otherwise you’ll end up being that poor girlfriend. Trust me!

5. Monogamy is such an outdated concept. I want to see you, but want to see other people

Babe, I know its confusing as I’m a queen, but you’re not Henry 8th. 

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Ladies, these are the funniest reasons that we have been “rejected” but we discussed and laughed about many more.

Remember, men are natural-born one-uppers. If there’s a possibility of upgrading what they already have for something better, 9/10, they will. So, if you are rejected by some one who can’t see your worth, suck it up, you’re worth more than someone who can’t see your value; keep on being you. The right man (that 1/10) will come along, sweep you off your feet and not fly away!

And if he doesn’t, so what? From memory… I don’t think Tinkerbell or Wendy ended up with Peter? Didn’t he end up in Never Never land, with his mates, never growing old, looking through Wendy’s window…. Disney had it right all along….. 😉

Enjoy ladies and keep being fabulous x

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Why being in a relationship with YOU is the best kind of relationship…

Now ladies, I love a Disney film as much as the next girl but some days I think good old Walt has an awful lot to answer for when it comes to our view on how our “fairy tale” ending should look.

In fact, I remember sitting on the floor, an innocent six year old, head in hands, draped in my oversized princess dress, staring gooey eyed and mesmerised by the television as Prince Charming placed the glass slipper onto Cinderella’s dainty foot and saved her from her evil step mother.  Six year old me was besotted and just knew that one day my Prince Charming would come along and we would live happily ever after…

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Fast forward 20 years and it appears Disney  finally understand who Prince Charming really is…

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Face it ladies, I’ve come to realise the only person who’s coming to save me, is me. And I’m not sure about you, but it seems that in a world that promotes the importance of loving ones self, there is still a very real stigma around being single.

So, if you are a happy single, independent woman (or man), but sometimes feel the pressure of social norms and expectations getting you down, I wrote this post to remind you of the reasons it is truly great to be single and why you are awesome! Enjoy x

Being truly comfortable in your own skin

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As silly as this statement may sound, some people really struggle to find happiness in their own company and themselves (if they ever actually find it at all). So if you feel pretty content spending a night in on your own or spending a day just doing your own thing. You, my friend, are already a pretty impressive individual.

2. You are stronger than the average

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That time you travelled alone? Dealt with that big bad credit card bill? (mayyyyybe called mum but whatevs)? Got the new job? Moved house? You did all of that without a shoulder to cry on, that makes you pretty awesome.

3. Single Nights Out are the best… 

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(I cried at the Gif)

I don’t even have to explain, you know it, I know it – they just are, for every reason.

And more importantly, single nights in…

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Zero make up, zero effort , your choice in Netflix, your choice in takeaway, ugly pyjamas, star fish. Done.

Your time is your own – Invest in you 

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After being in relationship that wasn’t right, I noticed that all my time and investment went into trying to fix something that was never fixable. My favourite thing about being single is all the time I have to invest in me. Whether you throw yourself into fitness, a new hobby, a project, you are never going to feel bad giving yourself back all that owed time. Trust me, making yourself happy is more fulfilling than anybody else doing it for you.

Being gross 

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You have no obligation to; wax, stay skinny, wear make-up, wear matching underwear, wash your hair or keep your room tidy.

Wait… why am I single again?

Jokes, for anyone that knows me, I loved getting glammed up but I certainly wouldn’t want to admit how long I haven’t washed my hair for (#dryshampooislife)

Family & Friends time 

Apart from investing in yourself and being gross spend time with the important people in your life. The ones who genuinely make you smile and hold you up when you are having a wobble.

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First dates

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As long as you are in a place to, dating is so much fun (for lots of reasons). Not every guy you meet is going to be your happily ever after, but, face it, there are lots of Prince Charming’s out there for you to have fun along the way with.

Drama free!

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My personal favourite! When you cut out all of the negative influences in your life (check out my post on Self Love for tips on how to do this). Isn’t it lovely how peaceful and drama free life can be? I intend to keep it that way.

Basically ladies, as lovely as it would be to meet your Prince Charming, don’t forget that with or without him by your side you are still a Princess and should treat yourself as such and remember, sometimes your happy ending, just ends with beautiful YOU!

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Thanks for reading!

B

x

 

 

 

 

Pod Cast 2: Dating and Love in the LGBT world

Pod Cast 2: Dating & Love in the LGBT World

Today, we are chatting about dating in the LGBT world. As this is something that neither I or the girls can give a direct insight to, a very lovely and inspiring friend of mine came along to chat. My friend is a strong influencer in the trans community and has talked to us about his transition, journey, societies views and of course the sexy dating scene. While discussing the above cultural views we somehow end up on the topic of peak dick pic times, how fun it is to be subservient (or not) and why it’s totally okay to end up sleeping with your college teachers room mate… honestly! Enjoy x

 

 

 

 

Tinder Take Two: The Surgeon and The Show Off

So, before I begin this post, I just want to summarise why I felt the need to write about the Surgeon and the Show off (aka. Sam and Joey). Firstly, both of the above gents are probably the most intelligent guys I have met (for very different reasons) and I had a great time with them (but with very different stories to tell). This post is all about my second time round on Tinder, talking about the rare “spark” we all search for, he start of the story of Joey and I (strap in guys it’s a turbulent one) and the age old question – WHY DO WE ALWAYS PICK THE BAD BOYS?! …

…A couple of months passed following Oscar and I’s break up. I had a “cleanse” from dating and was feeling refreshed after lots of friend, drinking and gym time. Following one of the many crazy nights out (feeling hungover and needy in bed), I begrudgingly rekindled with my old red flame – Tinder. For anyone who has been in a relationship and then re-downloaded the apps, well…

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You feel me…

As I swiped through the profiles, I felt slightly underwhelmed and scared for my single future. Why were there so many weirdo’s in the world of dating? After swiping left and right for ten minutes, I inevitably gave up and resigned myself to the fact that there were no normal men in London (dramatic much) and I would be single forever…

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I pulled myself away from my phone and decided to prep myself for Monday and it was an important Monday at that. After long and hard thoughts, at the time, I had decided to look for a new job back in the corporate world. As sad as I was to leave the company, I had landed myself a great new job and was looking forward to the new challenge. As I planned my outfit, I started to get a little knot in my tummy (anxiety strikes) as I thought about the next day. I felt like a kid about to start my first day at school. Would I be good at my job? Would the offices be fun? Would the people be nice? (Please take a real note of the last question for later down the line). My phone buzzed startling me out of my day dream.

TOM

I picked up the message. Following Oscar and I’s breakup, Tom had been hot on my heels to meet for dinner. I had put off us meeting a few times for fear of Tom and I not being in the same place. Following his drunken out pour of how much he regretted us coming to an end, I had been skeptical of his feelings towards me, but as I couple of months passed I felt this had probably subsided and had agreed to meet Tom for dinner and drinks to celebrate my new job.

The week passed incredibly quickly after starting my new job, it was a whirl of introductions, new things to learn and a long commute across the wonderful central line everyday, so by the time Friday came round, I was ready for dinner with Tom. We met at a Reds True BBQ If you haven’t been already, you’re based in East London and are not (I repeat, not) a vegetarian; put this blog down and go and order the donut burger immediately).

It was great to catch up with Tom; we chatted about work, friends, holidays – he was heading off to Thailand with his housemate Jamie and was really excited about it. He had moved into his new place with Jamie and another two guys. Just going to throw it out there ladies, I can vouch (as can my friends) that was a wonderful wonderful house…. it was always real pleasure waking up with one topless hot man, but when there’s 4 wandering around…

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I digress …

As Tom and I chatted, it felt relaxed (as always) and I loved catching up with him. Tom always made me feel at home, it was so frustrating that he was so nice, good looking but for the life of me I couldn’t feel that “spark” (that we all search for). After a lovely evening, Tom and I headed home (separately I might add).

“I’ll call you!” he shouted. I waved and smiled, I really did want to hear from Tom again, but my gut told me we were definitely in different places. I shook it off and checked my phone; notifications from the girls whats app group, work emails, Mum (obvs) and two Tinder notifications

“Joey”

“Sam”

Great, I thought to myself, probably a couple more weirdo’s. Again, I am probably being dramatic here, I had actually been pretty lucky to meet Tom and Oscar on my first ever Tinder dates (check out my Amazon vs. Google guy post) and at the time, the app had just taken off so there seemed to be a lot of people to have conversations with. As I sat on the tube home, I opened the app and checked out the two guys;

Sam, 31, Surgeon – I scanned through Sam’s pictures and profile. He had a detailed bio and was “traditionally” good looking. He had cropped hair and wore a suit in most of his pictures, in another picture was riding in a helicopter and another was an action shot of him playing polo…

Jeez … I thought to myself, not sure of how I felt about the polo shot. Following my last (and only) experience of polo, I had vowed never to watch it again or associate with people that did.

For anyone who has ever been to a Polo match, it is basically a swarm of people who deem themselves as middle/upper class but are about as cultured as a new build flat. They also tend not to like a northern accent and will openly mock you for it. However,  they have very little to say when you then mention that it may be a little more hilarious that they look like carbon copy Ken dolls and it was slightly embarrassing that ten fully grown men had turned up wearing the same chino/jumper tied round their shoulders/family crest little finger ring combo. It was a bit quieter then. Guess who let them know that then drank all their expensive champers…

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I swiped to the next profile and smirked to myself…

Joey, 29, 99% positive feedback on Ebay – ok so bit different from a surgeon, but also funnier. I flicked through the pictures. Ok, so Joey was a lot different to surgeon Sam. His pictures were all over the world; him diving, surfing, posing in front of a waterfall (eye-roll) and he generally looked well travelled and super fun. Probably one of the more shallow things to note, Joey was also tall, tanned and the most amazing long waves of brown curly hair. For anyone that knows me, well, curly, hair….

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(For better, for worse as you will soon see…)

I replied to both guys messages and over the week chatted to them both. It became quickly apparent that they were incredibly different people. Sam almost immediately got a date in the diary for us to go on a first date (a week later) and we only spoke very briefly over message, I guess a surgeon can’t be glued to his phone, so we didn’t really build any message rapport. Joey, on the other hand, messaged a lot and I have got to be honest lapped up the attention and fun, that I hadn’t really had with Oscar.

We talked a lot and about everything. He told me about his job, the fact he had been away travelling, that he had been in the army and all the way through we had the best banter.

We messaged all day, everyday. It really should have been intense but I couldn’t believe I  actually found it quite the opposite, Joey was so much fun and if in person he made me laugh as much as his messages; we were off to a great start. After a couple of days chatting, Joey had asked me to meet on the Friday. It was only the Tuesday and I was already looking forward to it.

The next day, following an awful commute across London, I arrived at the office in West London and set up my desk. After grabbing a coffee and scanning my emails, I notification came through on my whats app web (for anyone who doesn’t know about whats app web – great tool to look busy at work when you aren’t busy at all); it was Joey.

“Ok, so I can’t wait until Friday, are you free tonight?”

I did a little internal happy dance. Why was I so excited to meet a guy a guy I had never me? Turned out, it’s because I was new to the dating scene, now its a little more…

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You girls feel me…

Anyway, even the “new to the dating scene” excitable puppy me managed to reign it in. I shouldn’t be so giddy for a first date. Who knew – maybe he wouldn’t look like his pictures? Maybe I wouldn’t like him? Or worse, maybe he wouldn’t like me…

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Now that last one was silly…

As the day went on, Joey and I continued to message and pre-date nerves kicked in (thankfully they are a thing of the past). He arranged for us to meet at a diner in Covent Garden, at that point I realised I was probably over-dressed in my work attire but would have to roll with it. The day passed quickly and before I knew it, I was back on the central line heading for my first date with Joey.

“I hope you’re as funny in real life” I joked…

“You better be too” he jibed back.

Yeah, I better be, I thought to myself as pre-date nerves kicked in. When I finally reached Covent Garden station, I was already running 15 minutes late. I rushed off the tube, to be met by the overcrowded lifts. Now, for anyone that knows Covent Garden tube station well; in rush hour, you have 2 options. 1. Wait for an age for the lifts (and I was already late) or 2. Brave the 193 steps up to ground level. I gulped, guess it was option two.

At about step 60, I realised I had indeed run with the incorrect choice. As I finally reached the top, I was grateful for the blast of cold air at the entrance. I composed myself, while trying to subtly catch my breath and waft my shirt to stop me sweating (I know, hold yourselves back gents, I’m just too irresistible). My eyes scanned the entrance, looking for a familiar face, when suddenly my eyes stuck on a guy leaning against one of the entrance pillars…. Ok, so, he did look like his pictures, if not better. 6’2, tall, tanned, leather jacket and all that hair.

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And here was me, sweaty in nude court heels. Joey noticed me and walked over. Shit, not even time for a quick make up touch up. Oh well, I guess sweaty me would have to do. “Hi B” he said and leaned in for hug, I stepped back and waved (yes waved). A hug would definitely give away the fact I had just run up 193 steps. He eyed me a little strangely. “Hi” I smiled back, trying to avoid looking mental.

We walked over to the Diner together and I noticed that Joey kept standing to the left of me. “Everything okay?” I asked. “Is that not my good side?”. He shuffled slightly. “I’m actually partially deaf” he murmured. Of course! I thought to myself, he had been in the army. He had joked over whats app, but I was never sure when he was being serious or not. My words fumbled out an apology, but he was really sweet and took it in his stride. This actually made me like him more.

When we arrived at the diner, we ordered food and chatted over burgers and beers. Even though we had talked a lot over message, we still had so much to say and I was having a great date. He complimented me on how much I ate (I basically eat like a boy) and how polite I was. Joey was lovely and we had a lot in common. He also definitely wasn’t quite as much the show off he had been over whats app.

After a lovely dinner, I could tell both of us didn’t really want the date to end. Instead of heading back we walked to a pub in central. We grabbed drinks and found a quiet corner of the pub. The drinks flowed, as did the conversation and the cheeky Joey that has chatted over message seemed to come out more. He teased me and made cheeky jokes. It wasn’t really fair that he was that hot and funny. I am pretty much 100% sure, I spent the date looking like this…

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Playing it cool as always…

When the bell for final orders rang, I was shocked at how quickly time had passed. Joey and I left the pub together and decided to walk back to the tube station. As we walked back, it was evident we were both feeling a little drunk. We were flirting massively and I was kind of hoping that there was a first date kiss on the way, I was way too nervous to make the first move so instead kept playfully pushing him (like an overgrown seven year old, smooth again).

We finally cut through a quiet road, to the tube station, when out of no where and quite happily to my surprise – Joey suddenly grabbed hold of me and kissed me. Now when I say kissed me, it was no boring, awkward first kiss date. This was hands in hair (well hands all over), pushed up against the wall amazing first date kiss. And there is was, the thing we all claim to seek…

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The rare spark!

After our kiss, I was a little speechless, I have only had two kisses like that so it was kind of unexpected. We joked on the way back to the tube and Joey walked me to my platform.

“I really want to see you again” said Joey, as the train pulled into the platform. I smirked at him.

“Maybe” I teased (I was for sure lying). “I’m not sure I had a good time”

He laughed and kissed me good-bye, there it was again….

 

As I headed home on the tube, people stared at me as I sat grinning like a cheshire cat . After 6 months with Oscar, I had never felt a spark or chatted so much. In one date with Joey, I had done all of that and was excited to see him again. It was such a lovely start. I thought about our next date and remembered that I also had a date lined up the following week, eeek! I would have to cancel.

Little did I know, there was a reason that everything was so sparky with Joey, plus find out more about the super surgeon date and why Joey and I were to go out with as much of a bang as we went in with.

Thanks for reading again!

B x