Self love Sunday…

I wanted to take the opportunity to write a post about something that I’ve personally struggled with a lot in the past; loving myself and working on overcoming my anxiety.

I  spent a big proportion of my life in long term relationships, so when I found myself single three years ago, self-love wasn’t something that came naturally to me. This became more challenging with my anxiety and if I’m honest initially seemed like an impossible journey.

Through my blog readers and speaking with friends, from all walks of life (whether married with children, single, travelling, city living, young, old etc.) I have realised that this journey is something everyone struggles with at some stage in their life. Self love (and even just understanding yourself) is a constant journey and a tough one at times! As such, I wanted to share some of my learnings and hope that if someone else is struggling, some of my experience can help them too. Enjoy! X


Don’t be frustrated if you don’t know what sets you on fire. 

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I spent so much time trying to work out what I enjoyed doing and what I was truly passionate about. I went to different gyms, classes (horticulture, make up, immersive theatre – don’t ask), shopping, nights out, eating out etc. The list is endless. I eventually started to get frustrated when I wasn’t finding a real connection to anything that I was doing.

After about a year of trying to work out what I liked, I realised that the pressure of trying to work that out was actually deriving any joy that I would have perhaps got in the first place. As such, I took the pressure off myself and lone behold found out what I love (I’ll give you one guess as to what that is). I’ve also learned that what I enjoy changes and that’s okay, people grow all the time and once I accepted that, I was far more content. So try lots of new things, you’ll never regret a new experience (unless you try immersive theatre) and keep the pressure off yourself.

Give your life a “trim”

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Cutting out what makes you unhappy was and still is the most challenging change for me to make. A lot of things that made me happy 12 months ago, don’t necessarily make me happy today.

I think being able to say “no” to things and people is something that develops over time and with experience. I’m noticing that the older I’m getting, the less shit I’m taking. So whether it’s the night out and drinks you really can’t be bothered with, the job you sit in and don’t enjoy, the friends that aren’t particularly there for you or the Prince Charming that messages you with “wyd” at 1am; give them the cut. (In fact, go grim reaper on the WYD dude)

Social Media and Social Norms “Cleansing”

Whether you are fully self assured or the most insecure person on the earth, today’s world ensures that there is an element of pressure on every person to be the best. Be in the best shape, Look perfect every day, Wear the nicest clothes, Drink the skinny tea, Wear the chicken fillet push up bra (honestly how many of them are there out there?) Is it just me that sometimes feels that I’m the odd one out because I’m not promoting Misguided bikinis on a beach in Ibiza? No? Great.

On a serious note, I can’t deny, I am a huge fan of social media and the bloggers I follow are those that really push positivity and self love. However, no matter how hard I try, there are some days when social media and the pressure of social norms really get to me.

I have found there are two things that really help me when I feel like this.

1. Digital detox

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I know, the horror of it, but trust me, somedays it’s the best thing. If I am ever having a down day, I switch off all my social media. There is just no point in spending a day looking at other peoples lives as you will naturally compare and that isn’t healthy. I always feel better after a day of digital detox and surprisingly the world hasn’t changed.

2. Challenge Social norms 

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Another pressure that I feel quite regularly is the pressure to live my life in a certain way. I can’t count the amount of times that I have been at a family event only to be asked “So, any man on the scene?” or “Don’t you think about kids”. Usually I’m questioned on this by 50 year Susan. When I explain to Susan that I am quite happy just as I am, I receive an sympathetic glance with a “At least you have your career though” (As if that is a bad thing). Note. Susan’s husband Dave’s eyes have been glued to my breasts for the whole evening.

Eat Well, Sleep Well and Work-out well

As simple as this may sound, if you are in a bad place or feeling a bit lost; always try and hold on to a minimum of the above three things. I always find that if one of them slips my anxiety sets in motion and then I have trouble doing the basics (let alone loving myself).

1. Sleeping

My sleeping really takes a horrible toll when I have been through stress or I am feeling a bit lost. I also really struggle with motivation in the mornings when anxiety hits. I am sure most people would agree that without sleep, things seem worse than they are. A couple of things that have helped me

Valerian Root Tea

Okay, so it sounds slightly hippy but this has been my life saver. Valerian Root Tea is £2.50 from Holland and Barrett and I actually get a peaceful nights sleep. Try it if you don’t believe me.

Morning Meme Motivator

So this one is personal, I have amazing friends and when we are going through bad times we send meme’s and quotes to one another all the time. One particular friend of mine sends me quotes from Najwa Zebian (link in my Instagram) and she is by far one of my favourite’s in a morning.

2. Eating

Since embarking on training a couple of years ago my diet has changed (massively for the better), I initially started eating well to improve my physical appearance but after actually starting to see slight changes in my mood from my diet, I decided to look into things further.

I now eat clean as this supports my anxiety in a massive way. While I am an advocate of clean eating I am also not going to sit here and say you must eat avocado’s everyday, if you having a pizza over a weekend makes you happy; do it (I certainly do) but I would encourage clean eating; it really helps.

The two main books I live by are Medical Medium; this book is massively “out there” as it talks about the spirituality of food and it’s healing powers (super hippy I know). I personally had to take some parts with a pinch of salt, but picking out some elements of this book has made a huge difference to my anxiety and I would highly recommend. The second is Clean Eating Alice’s Body Bible; amazing recipe’s and I admire her attitude (plus she is little like me!)

3. Working out

It goes without saying that exserice actually makes us feel better. Every time you work out, your body releases endorphins (a morphine like chemical that is released after periods of intense exercise). Endorphins work as part of the brains “reward system” and will help lift your mood. Face it, you’ve never got to the end of a work out and though “I wish I hadn’t done that”

My only piece of advice would be find something you truly enjoy doing. Whether it be running, spinning, personal training, yoga, boot camps or a mix. Make sure you love it! Exercise has really helped me overcome my anxiety and others that I know. One person I would recommend a follow of is Rebecca Jayne Fitness (link in my Insta). She has an amazing journey and story around exercise and mental well being and would recommend a follow.

As I said, I am certainly no guru on self love, but I hope if you are going through a rough time or struggling with the above, some of my experience helps.

Dating post on Oscar to follow tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!

B x

 

 

 

 

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A Man’s Best Friend…

So, for anyone who knows me truly, you will be well aware of my love for doggies. So you can imagine my excitement when the next guy I dated owned a real life squishy puppy! In this post, I tell you about the date with a man (and his best friend), about being true to yourself, not letting the little things slide and the one time I can hand on heart say that me (B) did not want a dog in the room … enjoy!…

After the disaster date with the TV presenter, it was safe to say that my faith had not been officially restored in the world of dating. To couple this, at the time I wasn’t sure if it was me but it felt like like everyone that I knew had decided that at that exact moment they would get engaged, married and/or have a baby. I started to feel like I was the only person in the world that was single. I would open my what’s app group to another hen party celebration or wedding group or baby shower…

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We’ve all felt that at some stage ladies… 

You’ll be glad to know, that eventually that feeling of being left on your own, it passes and you realise the importance of your own journey. I got to that stage, however, at the time sentences such as “Haven’t you thought about kids?” and a sympathetic “At least you have your career” executed by “you’re a pretty girl, surely you have a boyfriend” were sticking a little more than they probably should have.

Anywhoooo, as with any usual weekend for me (at the time) I had plans with friends and a Friday night date in the diary.

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The date lined up was with a guy called James and the initial reason I had been attracted to him (don’t judge me) was as well as being bearded, tattooed and handsome in every one one of his pictures he sported the cutest and chubbiest French bull dog accessory there ever was 

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For anyone that knows me well, this was a game changer.

James and I had initially started to chat over a dating app and had joked about him bringing along his dog (who I established was named PJ) to our date on the Friday, never once actually believing that this would happen, so, you can imagine my excitement when as I walked through the door of the pub when sat there alongside my date was the cutest fattest sausage roll looking French bull dog I have ever seen 

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I was so excited, I failed to notice the really hot man sat next to him. Following the obligatory “throw myself on the floor and shower dog with an inappropriate amount of affection” move of mine, I finally turned to James and said hi. James was very cute and I noticed immediately also very cool. 

Now, I wouldn’t say I am an “un-cool” person (I mean, I can’t say cool has a definition but you get what I mean). I dress well (you can’t go wrong with monochrome black and white, zebras always seem to look dapper right?) and wouldn’t say I’m untrendy (is that even a word) but next to James, I felt it. 

The man genuinely looked like East London, Burning Man and a tech start up had chewed him up and spat him out. Rolled up slightly loose Levi’s, no socks, unbranded trainers, an oversized mac (that still looked like it was meant to fit that way), a ring on every finger, tattoos, beard and a clutch bag French bull dog – kind of put my skinny jeans white T and Nikes to shame. 

As we sat down and ordered drinks, I was more than overjoyed when PJ decided that my lap was his location for the date.

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Once my attention had been firmly averted from PJ, James and I managed to get in some well needed conversation and getting to know one another.

Turns out James was a bit of a catch, he was head of marketing for a well known sports company, lived in a great part of town and must be a fairly responsible human given he was in charge of a dog (Becky logic at its finest).

As we talked it seemed James and I had some things in common and had really similar senses of humour. We talked about work, dogs (obvs), back home (as we were both from outside of London) and it was refreshing to speak to an actual normal and sane human being. As the conversation continued, we flipped onto the topic of fashion. 

“So, what’s your preferred label?” James asked. 

Truth be told, I didn’t have a favourite brand, black Joni Topshop skinny jeans fit me perfectly and anything else I just wore as it felt good. Must be cooler than that, my brain scrambled for the least high street brand I could think of. 

“Cos” I blurted out (totally not high street and super cool execution on my part.) “But intend to be in my gym gear most of the time.” (that part was honest) “How about you?” I asked, diverting the conversation away from my lack of fashion knowledge.

James replied with an obscure probably uber cool brand that I had never of. I nodded in agreement of how great the obscure French brand was (fraud). He continued..

“So are you actually into the gym or are you one of these girls that wear active wear?” he asked. Before I could answer, he continued “Don’t you feel that everyone now wears gym gear, so it’s kind of a guessing game as to what type of person they are? A bit like the kind of world we will in now, ironic no?”

Wow. Deep bro. I literally had no idea what he was talking about, I worked out a lot so needed gym gear plus my bum looked fabulous, it was an all round win win, I wasn’t really looking for the meaning of life in my Nike leggings. 

Anywhooo, the date continued in a similar manner. James was great, but there were a few moments where he would mention some super cool unheard of DJ or clothes brand and I would be thrown off but would continue to agree like some insane nodding dog. James seemed great and I was just so in need of time with a normal human, I overlooked the little differences 

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As the date came to a close, James and PJ walked me home and at my door, we had the standard first date kiss. The kiss was a little like the date, nice but something was missing. I shook it off, while the world seemed to be marrying itself off, I seemed to be encountering cave gremlins, I wasn’t letting a couple of little differences stop me going on another date with a nice guy. That totally wasn’t me settling…..

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…A few dates down the line and I was sat in a local East London bar with PJ and James. I had consciously dressed for the occasion, but still felt out-cooled by PJ (let alone James). The dates with James and I had continued to be nice and I just loved cuddling PJ but after us spending more time together the differences in our interests and life were becoming more apparent. After listening to a live band (that I had never heard of) James and I headed back to his place. 

When we arrived back and after more cuddles with PJ, we went through to the kitchen to cook dinner. As James cooked dinner, my mind wandered. James was always so sweet, he cooked breakfast and dinner for me, he was in a great job, made me laugh, but there was a niggle I could feel that we were different people and as much as I tried to ignore it, it kept cropping up (gut as always ladies). I distracted myself by washing my hands, I was surprised by how good the lavender soap smelled. 

“Hey James” I chirped “this smells amazing” 

James continued to tell me that the soap was a unique “animal cruelty free” brand (that I had never heard of). 

“I’m surprised you’re not more conscious of the products you use B, considering how much you love animals.” Hmm, a little condescending on James’ part. I chose to ignore the comment (I had been doing a lot of that recently) and not mention the fact he had leather Dr martens sat at the front door (ironic much on the front of animal products). I looked down to pick up the towel when my eyes were suddenly taken by James socks. 

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His socks were covered in Ganga leaves.

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Hmmm, not sure how I felt about this one. I am not the biggest fan of smoking Mary Jane (see totally cool) and as I broached the subject of James’ socks, I kind of hoped that it was one of his “ironic” things again. Turned out, it wasn’t.

James decided that he would let me into his “creative” secret and that secret was that smoking weed at 32 years of age every day was what “got him into the creative zone” and “chilled him”. I continued to nodding dog, whilst feeling slightly horrified inside. How could I break to James that the only thing that got me into a “zone” was a to do list and I was never going to be that boho cool smoky weed girl (see, I’m just not cool). 

As we headed to bed, it was now clearer in my mind than ever that James and I weren’t meant to be and as I lay down, I was actually preparing for my reasons to not “sleepover” that night. Luckily, PJ jumped in bed between us…

“See” I said “We can’t, PJ’s here” 

“Sure we can” James replied. 

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No. We. Could. Not.

Doing it in front of a dog. A dog is the equivalent of a new born baby/small angel, it was basically abuse. (lol). I would not be a part of it. 

Soon after this, James and I petered out. 

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The differences between us became too apparent and if I am completely honest, I look back and realise that I for sure wasn’t comfortable or secure enough in myself to act on that sooner and we’ve all been in that place at some stage, it’s a learning curve.

I can still firmly say that James (and PJ) were great guys to hang out with, I guess our definitions of cool were a little different and now I’m totally down with the fact I’m definitely not the coolest person and I LOVE being in my active wear 😉 

It’s safe to say the next guy I dated was not so cool (or even normal for that matter) so look out for Phil the Felon (and laugh at how I ended up on a date with a criminal – only me eh?). Phil the Felon also inevitably pushed me into the arms of someone who was definitely not my type and that is were the saga of the Work Wife starts (and you honestly won’t believe where that story ends up)…

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As always – thanks for reading. 

B x 

The TV Presenter – That wouldn’t turn off

Following a few months well and truly away from dating, I found myself in a familiar bar spot with the girls on a Saturday night. We were a couple of bottles of prosecco’s down and talking about heading to a more classy venue in Mayfair, a conversation that we always had but inevitably ended up in Cargo (which for anyone outside of London looking a comparison is basically Sankeys…enough said) We also always ended up playing some ridiculous game like never have a I ever or some teenage type of truth or dare. Basically, my life hasn’t evolved since the age of 16, I just have more disposable income (and even saying that is slightly optimistic) 

Anywhoo, as we drank our prosecco and chatted away, I looked over at the bar queue to see if now would be a good time to stock us up on another bottle. As I did, my eye was caught immediately by a guy at the bar. 

Now, when a stranger catches your eye, lets be honest, it isn’t usually because of their mega hot personality, 9/10 times it’s because they are looking pretty. However, on this occasion, this wasn’t really the case. The guy stood at the bar was not my usual type, around 5”10 with dark cropped hair and draped in a dark green leather jacket (yes I said that), I couldn’t help but stare over. I recognised that guy from somewhere! Had I worked with him? Did I go to school with him? 

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The stranger turned around and I could now see his face more clearly.

Ok, so I definitely recognised him. Who was this man?… He looked over at the table and caught me mid stare. It was only at this point, I realised that I probably looked like a bit of a creep and was staring so intently I was practically squinting. Embarrassed, I looked away and shuffled for something to make me look preoccupied. This ended with me toasting a candle, great diversion and smooth as always. 

After finishing my delicious candle, I walked over to the bar, keen to avoid the man I had just basically eye raped. As I grabbed the final bottle at the bar, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to be greeted by the stranger I had stared at rather intently earlier. Hmm, he was actually kind of cute. 

“Hey” he said smoothly. “I’m Tim” and stuck out his hand. 

What was this? A handshake? Mid bar? Formal. I awkwardly held my hand out to shake back (what else was I supposed to do?!) and I as I did eyed Tim over. He was actually kind of cute and it’s not very often I would comment on something like this, but had a very lovely voice (it’s what every girl wants no?). And I still really recognised his face. And as if he had read my mind (or very obvious staring)…

“Yeah you recognise me right? Don’t worry, I get it a lot, I’m on TV” 

THAT WAS IT! He was a TV presenter, now I realised. I smiled, glad I wasn’t going crazy (already there fyi). He continued…

“But I couldn’t help noticing just how pretty you are. And let’s be honest you weren’t just staring because you thought you knew me” he smirked. I half expected him to finish the sentence with this…

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Wow, next level confidence.

Not wanting to bruise his ego (as I wasn’t actually staring for that reason) I agreed to a date the next week. He was cute, confident and I do love an extrovert. As the week went by, I can’t say it wasn’t weird seeing the guy I was going on a date with on my TV every night and turns out, I knew more about politics than any other person in the office (one week only guys). 

When Friday night came round, I headed over to the cocktail bar that we had agreed to meet. As I arrived, I asked the waitress for the table under Tim’s name. 

“Sorry Miss” she replied “He hasn’t arrived yet” 

I looked around the dimly lit cocktail bar and realised that the whole of the lounge was filled by pairs. I would for sure look like the third (maybe twenty third wheel) if I sat down now, so politely excused myself to wait in the local pub until Tim arrived. 

As I walked into the pub, I felt a little more comfortable surrounded by a surge of Millwall fans (mega lolz). I pulled out my phone and text Tim…

“Are you on your way? I am waiting in the pub next door and going to grab a drink, what would you like?” I pressed send. 

Within seconds Tim responded…

“Hey bae, running late, will be there is ten and do me a favour, surprise me yeah?” 

Hmmm, 20 minutes late for a date and now trying to engage in some alcohol based trivia with me. Not a great start on Tim’s part. I ordered the glass of wine and waited for his arrival. 

After another 20 minutes (not 10) passed, when like a whirlwind Tim rushed through the pub door.

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Donned in a velvet blazer and chino’s, looking like a young Hugh Heffner, I was a little surprised at how over (and not so well) dressed he was. 

“Bae” he exclaimed (dying inside right now) “I am so sorry I am late, I must seem like such an arse hole, but you know what the TV game is like”

I couldn’t decide at that stage what was funnier, the blazer, the comment or watching 10 50 year old Millwall fans roll their eyes and giggle as they shot me looks of concern. Tim downed the glass of red wine (without a thank you I will note) and whisked me away from the pub and to the cocktail lounge. 

Thankfully (or maybe not so thankfully), we hadn’t lost our table and after being seated by the waitress and our first cocktails ordered, I finally began to relax, when suddenly. 

“So, bae” he started (so loudly the rest of the cocktail lounge jumped simultaneously) “You are looking dee-vine, now, let me tell you what happened for me to be here so inexcusably late”

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As Tim went into explaining the reasons he was late (that I certainly wasn’t listening to), I continued to observe him. Had he been this loud in the bar? And why was he trying to fit so adjectives into one sentence? I glanced around and the quiet looking couple of the table next to us, stared over, obviously agitated by the conversation around Tim being late that they could here… them and me both, what I would give to be the third wheel now…

“What do you think bae?” he asked. I snapped back from my day dream. Shit. What did I think. Should I toast a candle again? That would surely distract him. Nope, let’s just go for it…

“Yeah, I totally agree” I nodded (worth a shot). Wow, it seemed to work, Tim continued to talk as my agreement to the conversation seemed to appease him. And when I mean Tim continued to talk, I mean Tim continued to talk…

“This time on set once was hilarious…”

“And you know, when you get stopped on the street it’s pretty embarrassing…”

“Meeting Ricky Gervais was such a dream…”

“No one believed in me when I initially got into acting…”

“Girls just love knowing I am on TV…”

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Two. Of. The. Longest. Hours. Of. My. Life. Later…

“So B, what do you do?” he asked (the first question he had asked me on the whole date!). It almost threw me off as I was awakened from my day dream where I had descended into thoughts around drowning myself in my shallow cocktail or how acceptable it would be to pretend faint on a date. I replied, but within seconds the conversation had veered back to Tim. Jeez, at least when he was on my TV I could turn him off – no option to do that here! 

After another hour of Tim talk, I simply couldn’t bear any more and made my excuses to order my Uber. Tim followed me outside and was loitering around. Surely he couldn’t think the date had gone well? 

“So B” he asked “Where are you heading back to?” 

I told him where I was heading back to. 

“Great bae!” he replied (loud as always) “I’m heading back that way, let’s pool” 

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Oh. Good. God. No

I couldn’t take anymore of Tim talk. But what could I say? 

“I would rather walk home through Leytonstone and risk being stabbed than be in a confined space with you?” Probably a bit much.

As Tim and I jumped in an Uber, I tried to think of a way I could not engage? Do a pretend sleep maybe? No such luck. As Tim continued to chat, I continued to try and find inner peace

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It wasn’t working. 

As Tim continued to talk, I noticed that he had pulled out chewing gum and offered some to me. Surely this wasn’t going where I though it was… 

“So B” he smiled (his very dazzling TV smile)

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“Seeing as we are here, you know, in the back of this taxi, let’s make out like sixteen year olds, yar?” As he leaned in, I felt only one emotion…

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“Sorry Tim, I don’t kiss on first dates” and with that lie told the Uber pulled outside my house. 

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Home. Turf.

As the Uber pulled away, I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god that was over. What an awful start to being back on the dating scene. Well at least it couldn’t get worse than that I thought to myself. Turns out, I was wrong about that too….

Thanks for reading!

B

x

Podcast 4: Work relationships

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Great suggestion from a reader! Are work relationships a good or bad idea? Hear us girls catch up on work flings, office break ups, the “power” attraction and gossip. We have heard of some Pam and Jim happy endings but we only seem to have found Dwight’s! Guess what our advice is? Enjoy x

 

Joey the Joker

So, before I continue with my disastrous dating diaries, thanks for coming back to read more (it means the world). For anyone new to this blog, you might want to skip back a few steps and catch up!

Any whooooo, before I tell you about the end of Joey and I, let’s give you a bit of context around him.

So Joey, is a mistake I made once, twice … okay maybe Ive made the mistake few times (don’t judge! It’s that curly hair). We dated for a couple of months and it was one of the first “sparks” I felt when I moved to London. (And there hasn’t been many, trust me). 

Hope you enjoy the ending ….

A couple of months had passed of Joey and I dating and we had been having so much fun. We talked about pretty much everything and I was constantly laughing when I was around him. He was super cheeky and if I’m honest a bit of a gobby sod (for my American friends reading – love that you are by the way – gobby sod means a bit of a mouth piece), which to be fair, matched us up pretty well.

I clearly remember a time, we were play fighting around drunk outside a pub and some guys asked “if I was okay” (they were being pretty moronic to be fair, my safety was clearly not at risk). “She’s fine mate” he shouted back “And not interested”. (Gobby get, see!). As well as being a cheeky so and so, Joey would also be super sweet. I once pulled a muscle in my back training and he turned up at the tube station to collect me and carry my bags. He then took me home, with lots of painkillers and ibuprofen gel and made me dinner (we both ended up accidentally overdosing on the gel and being quite poorly, which looking back was pretty hilarious). I was super smitten by Joey. When we were together, I think I pretty much followed him round like this..

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(Eye roll emoji at naive me back then).

We had also got past the “third date” stage and if I’m honest hadn’t really stopped “third dating” since that point. In contrast to Oscar, Joey and I’s “third-dating” was never really passionless, in fact, quite the opposite. It was exactly the “rip your clothes off/sparky” third date kind of stuff you were looking for. The energy and passion was amazing initially but as time was passing (and please don’t judge me), I wasn’t keeping up with the energy levels (lol). In fact it would get to the end of a weekend and I would be like…

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As much as I loved the “third dating” with Joey, you know the feeling ladies. I also love going on the  at Alton Tower once when I’m there, six times a day though….

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Not so much.

Anywhooo, I had spent a couple of months following Joey round like a loved up pup and things were starting to get a little more serious. Joey met my friend-friends, my work-friends (all of who loved him). I also met his friends and I when he told me that his Mum knew about me, I couldn’t help but do this…

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One night after a another lovely date, Joey and I walked back to his place hand in hand. After telling me his Mum knew about me, I was excited to tell him my Mum was visiting the weekend at the weekend.

“You should join us for a drink” I said excitedly.

And then ladies, came the first red flag (a little one but none the less a flag) Which at the time, I didn’t realise.

“Erm, B, isn’t that a bit serious?” he replied.

Wait.

Hadn’t you asked me to meet your friends and met them? And told your Mum about me? And now I was being serious…

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Feeling hurt, I wiggled my hand free from his. Well, that was really confusing, for someone who had blown hotter than my broken Remington hairdryer, his response was very cold. We walked back to his place, it wasn’t a big deal, but it was the first “chink” in Joey’s so far perfect armour that I had seen.

Unfortunately, as time continued and things became more serious, the chinks became more apparent. Joey’s immaturity showed more often and, me being me, would call him out on the baby like behaviour.

Things finally came to a head (not the fun kind), one Saturday night.

Now just to give a little context, what happened next was completely unexpected to me. When I mentioned “chinks” in Joey’s armour, they were indeed just chinks (tiny little problems) that could have been resolved, if you wanted them to be, hence my sheer confusion at the next part of the story…

It was a Saturday night and I was still hanging round in my flat. I picked up my phone and checked the time, I hadn’t heard from Joey and we were supposed to be heading for food at 7.30pm. I glanced at the screen, 7.50, well, we had missed the reservation. I knew Joey had been out until the early hours of the morning (early hours being drunk messages at 7am) and expected this may be the reason he was super late. A knock at the door, jolted me out of my day dream. I rushed to the door (with this face)

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I was greeted by (a hungover looking) Joey. He was draped in the usual leather jacket, skinny jeans, hat and long hair, urgh, it was annoying, I struggled to be mad when he was so hot.

“Sorry B” he said sheepishly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine” I responded. He smiled and continued chatting. Was that it? Could he not see I was mad. Any sane man knows that when a woman responds with “fine” she is clearly not fine. As Joey continued to chat, I gave up, although I was still upset, I wanted to have a nice night and certainly didn’t want to argue.

We headed down to a local burger bar and ordered food. Joey and I always alternated “who paid” on our dates (pod cast to come on date etiquette, who pays is a hot subject! ;)) and tonight was my night. As the delicious burgers were placed down, I basically inhaled mine. Joey on the other hand, pushed the fries and burger around his place until the waiter finally removed our plates, he looked at me in the same sheepish manner as earlier. The cheque was placed down in front of us and I footed the bill for the food Joey hadn’t eaten.

Okay, so as any girl would be, I was a little pissed by this point. Joey had a lot of cake buying and sucking up cuddles to do as I was ready to be quite the grumpy girlfriend.

As we walked back to my place, I stomped a little ahead. When we arrived back, Joey again asked the same question “Are you okay?” This time, I told him that I wasn’t and was being the grumpy girlfriend and obviously told him off. Expecting a “sorry” and a “forgive me” cuddle. I sat down next to him and that’s when he came out with it….

“I can’t do this B”

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Couldn’t do what? Now I was confused…

“I just can’t do this B, the commitment, this is getting serious”

What? I wasn’t sure at what stage I had got down on one knee and now I was seriously confused. He continued…

“This B, I know it’s going somewhere and I can’t cope. This has happened before, with other girls and it’s happening again and I just can’t handle the commitment”

(note the bold ladies).

I had to literally pick my jaw up off the floor. Where had this come from? It was like a complete 180 in a night. Sure, I had noticed he was a little cagey about certain things, but I had always brushed it off as he was so lovely…. it now made more sense.

Joey continued to go into detail about how this had happened before and why (I won’t go into it as some things are for sure private). I was still completely in shock as he talked. This was the guy I had laughed and joked and danced like an idiot in a bar with the weekend before and he had just come out with all of that….

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I stared into space, a little dumbfounded as he continued.

“I’m going to go” he said “I can’t do this”. I tried to respond, but there was nothing that could really be said.

Joey walked out and the door closed behind him.

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At the time, I literally couldn’t believe it.

Turns out ladies, this is a thing men struggle with a lot!

I have to admit, at the time, I was for sure sad for a little while but as it hadn’t been too long. I busied myself; drinks with the girls, gym and lots of good food and recovered from the roller coast ride with Joey pretty quickly.

And it was just in that moment of feeling better ladies, that these boys do what they do best….

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I mean, you can’t blame me, who isn’t a sucker for a cute curly haired commitment phobe…

Unfortunately ladies, that is when I indeed found out Joey wasn’t quite as nice as he seemed.

Thanks again for reading

B

x

 

 

Podcast 3: Dating Apps?

Happy hump day readers (no pun intended). If you are back again, thanks for listening to our third Pod Cast. We did have a podcast on “Numbers” but it was wiped by my Mac (thanks Apple!). Soooo, instead, today’s podcast is based around a tool that most of us seem to equip ourselves with in this modern dating world – Applications! We discuss if they are a help or a hinderance, creative or creepy, our experiences and what we would suggest!

Just to give you a giggle, I wanted to share one of my more recent interactive experience a dating app to “set the tone” for the rest of the cast…

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Yeah, I’m for sure the C*nt…

Lord have mercy on us singletons…

Enjoy! x

 

Why being in a relationship with YOU is the best kind of relationship…

Now ladies, I love a Disney film as much as the next girl but some days I think good old Walt has an awful lot to answer for when it comes to our view on how our “fairy tale” ending should look.

In fact, I remember sitting on the floor, an innocent six year old, head in hands, draped in my oversized princess dress, staring gooey eyed and mesmerised by the television as Prince Charming placed the glass slipper onto Cinderella’s dainty foot and saved her from her evil step mother.  Six year old me was besotted and just knew that one day my Prince Charming would come along and we would live happily ever after…

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Fast forward 20 years and it appears Disney  finally understand who Prince Charming really is…

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Face it ladies, I’ve come to realise the only person who’s coming to save me, is me. And I’m not sure about you, but it seems that in a world that promotes the importance of loving ones self, there is still a very real stigma around being single.

So, if you are a happy single, independent woman (or man), but sometimes feel the pressure of social norms and expectations getting you down, I wrote this post to remind you of the reasons it is truly great to be single and why you are awesome! Enjoy x

Being truly comfortable in your own skin

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As silly as this statement may sound, some people really struggle to find happiness in their own company and themselves (if they ever actually find it at all). So if you feel pretty content spending a night in on your own or spending a day just doing your own thing. You, my friend, are already a pretty impressive individual.

2. You are stronger than the average

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That time you travelled alone? Dealt with that big bad credit card bill? (mayyyyybe called mum but whatevs)? Got the new job? Moved house? You did all of that without a shoulder to cry on, that makes you pretty awesome.

3. Single Nights Out are the best… 

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(I cried at the Gif)

I don’t even have to explain, you know it, I know it – they just are, for every reason.

And more importantly, single nights in…

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Zero make up, zero effort , your choice in Netflix, your choice in takeaway, ugly pyjamas, star fish. Done.

Your time is your own – Invest in you 

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After being in relationship that wasn’t right, I noticed that all my time and investment went into trying to fix something that was never fixable. My favourite thing about being single is all the time I have to invest in me. Whether you throw yourself into fitness, a new hobby, a project, you are never going to feel bad giving yourself back all that owed time. Trust me, making yourself happy is more fulfilling than anybody else doing it for you.

Being gross 

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You have no obligation to; wax, stay skinny, wear make-up, wear matching underwear, wash your hair or keep your room tidy.

Wait… why am I single again?

Jokes, for anyone that knows me, I loved getting glammed up but I certainly wouldn’t want to admit how long I haven’t washed my hair for (#dryshampooislife)

Family & Friends time 

Apart from investing in yourself and being gross spend time with the important people in your life. The ones who genuinely make you smile and hold you up when you are having a wobble.

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First dates

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As long as you are in a place to, dating is so much fun (for lots of reasons). Not every guy you meet is going to be your happily ever after, but, face it, there are lots of Prince Charming’s out there for you to have fun along the way with.

Drama free!

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My personal favourite! When you cut out all of the negative influences in your life (check out my post on Self Love for tips on how to do this). Isn’t it lovely how peaceful and drama free life can be? I intend to keep it that way.

Basically ladies, as lovely as it would be to meet your Prince Charming, don’t forget that with or without him by your side you are still a Princess and should treat yourself as such and remember, sometimes your happy ending, just ends with beautiful YOU!

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Thanks for reading!

B

x