Podcast 3: Dating Apps?

Happy hump day readers (no pun intended). If you are back again, thanks for listening to our third Pod Cast. We did have a podcast on “Numbers” but it was wiped by my Mac (thanks Apple!). Soooo, instead, today’s podcast is based around a tool that most of us seem to equip ourselves with in this modern dating world – Applications! We discuss if they are a help or a hinderance, creative or creepy, our experiences and what we would suggest!

Just to give you a giggle, I wanted to share one of my more recent interactive experience a dating app to “set the tone” for the rest of the cast…

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Yeah, I’m for sure the C*nt…

Lord have mercy on us singletons…

Enjoy! x

 

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Why being in a relationship with YOU is the best kind of relationship…

Now ladies, I love a Disney film as much as the next girl but some days I think good old Walt has an awful lot to answer for when it comes to our view on how our “fairy tale” ending should look.

In fact, I remember sitting on the floor, an innocent six year old, head in hands, draped in my oversized princess dress, staring gooey eyed and mesmerised by the television as Prince Charming placed the glass slipper onto Cinderella’s dainty foot and saved her from her evil step mother.  Six year old me was besotted and just knew that one day my Prince Charming would come along and we would live happily ever after…

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Fast forward 20 years and it appears Disney  finally understand who Prince Charming really is…

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Face it ladies, I’ve come to realise the only person who’s coming to save me, is me. And I’m not sure about you, but it seems that in a world that promotes the importance of loving ones self, there is still a very real stigma around being single.

So, if you are a happy single, independent woman (or man), but sometimes feel the pressure of social norms and expectations getting you down, I wrote this post to remind you of the reasons it is truly great to be single and why you are awesome! Enjoy x

Being truly comfortable in your own skin

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As silly as this statement may sound, some people really struggle to find happiness in their own company and themselves (if they ever actually find it at all). So if you feel pretty content spending a night in on your own or spending a day just doing your own thing. You, my friend, are already a pretty impressive individual.

2. You are stronger than the average

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That time you travelled alone? Dealt with that big bad credit card bill? (mayyyyybe called mum but whatevs)? Got the new job? Moved house? You did all of that without a shoulder to cry on, that makes you pretty awesome.

3. Single Nights Out are the best… 

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(I cried at the Gif)

I don’t even have to explain, you know it, I know it – they just are, for every reason.

And more importantly, single nights in…

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Zero make up, zero effort , your choice in Netflix, your choice in takeaway, ugly pyjamas, star fish. Done.

Your time is your own – Invest in you 

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After being in relationship that wasn’t right, I noticed that all my time and investment went into trying to fix something that was never fixable. My favourite thing about being single is all the time I have to invest in me. Whether you throw yourself into fitness, a new hobby, a project, you are never going to feel bad giving yourself back all that owed time. Trust me, making yourself happy is more fulfilling than anybody else doing it for you.

Being gross 

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You have no obligation to; wax, stay skinny, wear make-up, wear matching underwear, wash your hair or keep your room tidy.

Wait… why am I single again?

Jokes, for anyone that knows me, I loved getting glammed up but I certainly wouldn’t want to admit how long I haven’t washed my hair for (#dryshampooislife)

Family & Friends time 

Apart from investing in yourself and being gross spend time with the important people in your life. The ones who genuinely make you smile and hold you up when you are having a wobble.

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First dates

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As long as you are in a place to, dating is so much fun (for lots of reasons). Not every guy you meet is going to be your happily ever after, but, face it, there are lots of Prince Charming’s out there for you to have fun along the way with.

Drama free!

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My personal favourite! When you cut out all of the negative influences in your life (check out my post on Self Love for tips on how to do this). Isn’t it lovely how peaceful and drama free life can be? I intend to keep it that way.

Basically ladies, as lovely as it would be to meet your Prince Charming, don’t forget that with or without him by your side you are still a Princess and should treat yourself as such and remember, sometimes your happy ending, just ends with beautiful YOU!

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Thanks for reading!

B

x

 

 

 

 

Sam the Surgeon

Hi guys! Thanks for coming back to hear more about my disastrous dating life. For anyone who is here for the first time, you might want to skip back a chapter to hear the start of the story with Joey. In this post, I briefly touch on my short time with the super surgeon and how I ended up wearing the worst outfit known to man kind (not dramatic) to a date. I also tell you more about Joey and I’s whirlwind romance as it comes to a “sex toy filled” crash down ending (trust me, it is not as it sounds)…

A few days after my first date with Joey and the excited feeling still hadn’t worn off. We were still texting pretty much every minute of everyday and we had already arranged to see one another the following weekend. The week at work was again flying by and for some reason my work load seemed to have increased two fold (I think this may have been down to the fact I had spent the majority of the previous week on what’s app, but let’s breeze over that).

The weekdays went by and were like a ground hog of emails, gym, food and sleep. When Thursday finally came round and I left the office, I was ready to pass out on the central line. (Note. do not fall asleep on the central line, unless you would like to wake up without your belongings). As I squeezed onto the packed tube, my phone buzzed.

SAM

Oh shit… I had forgot to cancel my date with the surgeon.

“Hey B. So I have booked a restaurant for tonight. Looking forward to seeing you at 8pm”

Shitty shit fuck fuck. I couldn’t cancel now, it was far too late in the day. I checked the time, after pulling a late one it was already 7pm. I tried to calculate the time the journey back to my place would take, the journey back out to the restaurant and how much time that would leave me to get date ready. The answer…

Not an awful lot!

By the time I had rushed back, I basically had no time on the clock to even re-apply my make up, it was raining outside so I quickly brushed through my humidity ridden curls. I messaged Sam quickly.

“Where are we heading” I asked

“Hakkasan” he replied.

Now, for anyone who knows London well, Hakkasan isn’t an understated place. I looked down at my work attire and realised that not only did I have frizzy hair and very little make up – I was majorly under dressed for a Michelin star restauraunt, with no time to fix it. I quickly ordered a trusty Uber and searched my wardrobe for something to “fancy” up my outfit. As I realised my Toyota Prius was only minutes away, in a panic, I pulled out a long jacket with a fur collar (you heard me, fur collar, I don’t know what I was thinking either) and jumped into the taxi where I re-applied my make-up in near darkness.

When I finally arrived at the restaurant, I was extremely impressed with my timing skills and the fact I had managed to compose myself. I stepped out of the Uber, feeling rather pleased. See, it didn’t actually take that long to make yourself look hot …suddenly I caught myself in the window reflection…

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Seriously, why had I reapplied my make up in the dark and worn a fur coat? I cringed internally, as a drag like Cruella De Ville started back at me. I always seemed to make quite the entrance to my dates and never for the right reasons?! I shrugged off the embarrassment and walked into the restaurant.

As I walked down the open stairway, I realised just how polished this place was (and how unpolished I was). Everything was straight edges, clean graphite surfaces, dim lights and the plates of food coming out of the kitchen looked prettier than the lip liner I had just applied. The hostess greeted me.

“Name please?” she asked. After replying with Sam’s name, she replied. “The other party is already here” I smiled politely and my stomach did a little flip. In my rush, I had actually forgotten I was meeting a real life person and as silly as it seems wearing the wrong outfit for a date had knocked my confidence. The hostess walked me to the table and there he was…

As he stood up to greet me, I realised that it was in fact Sam that was the most polished part of the restaurant. With clean cut hair, a cleaner cut tweed blazer and a crisp white shirt.  He stood up and cracked a smile with teeth whiter than his shirt, I immediately regretted my “rushed to get ready” approach. He was dreamy.

“Hi B” he smiled “Nice to meet you”

After we settled down and my Cruella De Ville/Vile cape had been removed by the hostess, we started to chat and I finally relaxed. Conversation flowed as Sam ordered a bottle of wine (that cost more than my weeks salary) and he told me about his life. I was seriously impressed. He was such an intelligent guy. He had studied at Cambridge, followed by his Masters in Harvard and then spent time out in California. If there were ever a game of Top Trumps in the education of medicine; Sam would have aced it.

I appreciate there are many women that look for certain qualities in a man to create that “Husband Material” (just a note on this, I totally disagree with the whole husband material vibe – you are massively excluding pretty amazing guys because of things like not being a home owner or not working in the perfect job, it’s silly. On another note, there is clinically zero possibility that I would be attracted to someone who was stable enough to be marriage material. I save that attention for the narcissist, cheating, immature, commitment phobe dream boats that sail around). lolz.

Anyway, Sam appeared to be pretty perfect in the imaginary husband list department…

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Older, well-travelled, good looking, great job etc. (whatever it is that normal people look for) We talked more about his job, I knew he was a surgeon (but that was a pretty broad term) so I asked him about what he did.

“I’m currently working in the research side of science, so spend most of my day in a lab” he said.

“Wow” I replied, taking a sip of the wine I couldn’t really afford to drink “What type of research?”

“Stem cell growth” he explained “We are currently looking at how we can use stem cells to grow limbs” ….

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If I have ever felt like I am adding no value to society, the date with Sam confirmed that I indeed was not.

Growing limbs? I couldn’t grow my hair to an acceptable length.

Anyway, I struggled to not spit my wine out (I shouldn’t given the price), I was so impressed.

As the night continued, I really enjoyed Sam’s company but it was so obvious our lives were worlds apart. And guiltily, I was so tired from the week, I wanted to get home (and admittedly) message Joey (I know that is terrible).

When the cheque finally came (along with my gross Cruella De Ville coat) Sam paid for the whole bill. I found it embarrassing that I couldn’t offer to pay half (shame on you girls who expect to be paid for) but I genuinely think my card would have declined at the cost. As I walked out of the restaurant, I had firmly decided that Sam and Hakkasan weren’t for me. I wanted the diner and cheeky curly haired man! (The story of my life ladies and gents).

Although I had decided that Sam wasn’t me, it was pretty obvious Sam hadn’t come to that conclusion too. As we headed up the stairs and out into central, he put his arm round me…

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I knew we weren’t on the same wave length, so declined more drinks and waited patiently on my Uber. Sam waited with me for the taxi to arrive and we said good night. He was such a gent and I’m sure is going to make some limb growing, polo playing babe extremely happy but that one isn’t me.

As I headed back, exhausted in the taxi, I messaged Joey – I was now even more excited about seeing him and when the second date came round we had an equally amazing “sparky” time.

The dates continued that way, we got dressed up, went to bars, ate great food and didn’t stop laughing. Four great dates went by quickly (along with four great date kisses) but it was now getting to the stage where I kind of wanted the dates to run into the next day (ya get me ladies) and felt four dates was a pretty acceptable timeframe (check out our Podcast tomorrow on “It’s a numbers game” that may have changed slightly).

After four amazing dates, who could have know that Joey and I would come to such a turbulent and dildo filled (it isn’t as great as it sounds, trust me) end?

Again, thanks for reading and enjoy the next (and last) post on Joey!

B

x

 

 

 

 

Pod Cast 2: Dating and Love in the LGBT world

Pod Cast 2: Dating & Love in the LGBT World

Today, we are chatting about dating in the LGBT world. As this is something that neither I or the girls can give a direct insight to, a very lovely and inspiring friend of mine came along to chat. My friend is a strong influencer in the trans community and has talked to us about his transition, journey, societies views and of course the sexy dating scene. While discussing the above cultural views we somehow end up on the topic of peak dick pic times, how fun it is to be subservient (or not) and why it’s totally okay to end up sleeping with your college teachers room mate… honestly! Enjoy x

 

 

 

 

Tinder Take Two: The Surgeon and The Show Off

So, before I begin this post, I just want to summarise why I felt the need to write about the Surgeon and the Show off (aka. Sam and Joey). Firstly, both of the above gents are probably the most intelligent guys I have met (for very different reasons) and I had a great time with them (but with very different stories to tell). This post is all about my second time round on Tinder, talking about the rare “spark” we all search for, he start of the story of Joey and I (strap in guys it’s a turbulent one) and the age old question – WHY DO WE ALWAYS PICK THE BAD BOYS?! …

…A couple of months passed following Oscar and I’s break up. I had a “cleanse” from dating and was feeling refreshed after lots of friend, drinking and gym time. Following one of the many crazy nights out (feeling hungover and needy in bed), I begrudgingly rekindled with my old red flame – Tinder. For anyone who has been in a relationship and then re-downloaded the apps, well…

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You feel me…

As I swiped through the profiles, I felt slightly underwhelmed and scared for my single future. Why were there so many weirdo’s in the world of dating? After swiping left and right for ten minutes, I inevitably gave up and resigned myself to the fact that there were no normal men in London (dramatic much) and I would be single forever…

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I pulled myself away from my phone and decided to prep myself for Monday and it was an important Monday at that. After long and hard thoughts, at the time, I had decided to look for a new job back in the corporate world. As sad as I was to leave the company, I had landed myself a great new job and was looking forward to the new challenge. As I planned my outfit, I started to get a little knot in my tummy (anxiety strikes) as I thought about the next day. I felt like a kid about to start my first day at school. Would I be good at my job? Would the offices be fun? Would the people be nice? (Please take a real note of the last question for later down the line). My phone buzzed startling me out of my day dream.

TOM

I picked up the message. Following Oscar and I’s breakup, Tom had been hot on my heels to meet for dinner. I had put off us meeting a few times for fear of Tom and I not being in the same place. Following his drunken out pour of how much he regretted us coming to an end, I had been skeptical of his feelings towards me, but as I couple of months passed I felt this had probably subsided and had agreed to meet Tom for dinner and drinks to celebrate my new job.

The week passed incredibly quickly after starting my new job, it was a whirl of introductions, new things to learn and a long commute across the wonderful central line everyday, so by the time Friday came round, I was ready for dinner with Tom. We met at a Reds True BBQ If you haven’t been already, you’re based in East London and are not (I repeat, not) a vegetarian; put this blog down and go and order the donut burger immediately).

It was great to catch up with Tom; we chatted about work, friends, holidays – he was heading off to Thailand with his housemate Jamie and was really excited about it. He had moved into his new place with Jamie and another two guys. Just going to throw it out there ladies, I can vouch (as can my friends) that was a wonderful wonderful house…. it was always real pleasure waking up with one topless hot man, but when there’s 4 wandering around…

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I digress …

As Tom and I chatted, it felt relaxed (as always) and I loved catching up with him. Tom always made me feel at home, it was so frustrating that he was so nice, good looking but for the life of me I couldn’t feel that “spark” (that we all search for). After a lovely evening, Tom and I headed home (separately I might add).

“I’ll call you!” he shouted. I waved and smiled, I really did want to hear from Tom again, but my gut told me we were definitely in different places. I shook it off and checked my phone; notifications from the girls whats app group, work emails, Mum (obvs) and two Tinder notifications

“Joey”

“Sam”

Great, I thought to myself, probably a couple more weirdo’s. Again, I am probably being dramatic here, I had actually been pretty lucky to meet Tom and Oscar on my first ever Tinder dates (check out my Amazon vs. Google guy post) and at the time, the app had just taken off so there seemed to be a lot of people to have conversations with. As I sat on the tube home, I opened the app and checked out the two guys;

Sam, 31, Surgeon – I scanned through Sam’s pictures and profile. He had a detailed bio and was “traditionally” good looking. He had cropped hair and wore a suit in most of his pictures, in another picture was riding in a helicopter and another was an action shot of him playing polo…

Jeez … I thought to myself, not sure of how I felt about the polo shot. Following my last (and only) experience of polo, I had vowed never to watch it again or associate with people that did.

For anyone who has ever been to a Polo match, it is basically a swarm of people who deem themselves as middle/upper class but are about as cultured as a new build flat. They also tend not to like a northern accent and will openly mock you for it. However,  they have very little to say when you then mention that it may be a little more hilarious that they look like carbon copy Ken dolls and it was slightly embarrassing that ten fully grown men had turned up wearing the same chino/jumper tied round their shoulders/family crest little finger ring combo. It was a bit quieter then. Guess who let them know that then drank all their expensive champers…

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I swiped to the next profile and smirked to myself…

Joey, 29, 99% positive feedback on Ebay – ok so bit different from a surgeon, but also funnier. I flicked through the pictures. Ok, so Joey was a lot different to surgeon Sam. His pictures were all over the world; him diving, surfing, posing in front of a waterfall (eye-roll) and he generally looked well travelled and super fun. Probably one of the more shallow things to note, Joey was also tall, tanned and the most amazing long waves of brown curly hair. For anyone that knows me, well, curly, hair….

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(For better, for worse as you will soon see…)

I replied to both guys messages and over the week chatted to them both. It became quickly apparent that they were incredibly different people. Sam almost immediately got a date in the diary for us to go on a first date (a week later) and we only spoke very briefly over message, I guess a surgeon can’t be glued to his phone, so we didn’t really build any message rapport. Joey, on the other hand, messaged a lot and I have got to be honest lapped up the attention and fun, that I hadn’t really had with Oscar.

We talked a lot and about everything. He told me about his job, the fact he had been away travelling, that he had been in the army and all the way through we had the best banter.

We messaged all day, everyday. It really should have been intense but I couldn’t believe I  actually found it quite the opposite, Joey was so much fun and if in person he made me laugh as much as his messages; we were off to a great start. After a couple of days chatting, Joey had asked me to meet on the Friday. It was only the Tuesday and I was already looking forward to it.

The next day, following an awful commute across London, I arrived at the office in West London and set up my desk. After grabbing a coffee and scanning my emails, I notification came through on my whats app web (for anyone who doesn’t know about whats app web – great tool to look busy at work when you aren’t busy at all); it was Joey.

“Ok, so I can’t wait until Friday, are you free tonight?”

I did a little internal happy dance. Why was I so excited to meet a guy a guy I had never me? Turned out, it’s because I was new to the dating scene, now its a little more…

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You girls feel me…

Anyway, even the “new to the dating scene” excitable puppy me managed to reign it in. I shouldn’t be so giddy for a first date. Who knew – maybe he wouldn’t look like his pictures? Maybe I wouldn’t like him? Or worse, maybe he wouldn’t like me…

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Now that last one was silly…

As the day went on, Joey and I continued to message and pre-date nerves kicked in (thankfully they are a thing of the past). He arranged for us to meet at a diner in Covent Garden, at that point I realised I was probably over-dressed in my work attire but would have to roll with it. The day passed quickly and before I knew it, I was back on the central line heading for my first date with Joey.

“I hope you’re as funny in real life” I joked…

“You better be too” he jibed back.

Yeah, I better be, I thought to myself as pre-date nerves kicked in. When I finally reached Covent Garden station, I was already running 15 minutes late. I rushed off the tube, to be met by the overcrowded lifts. Now, for anyone that knows Covent Garden tube station well; in rush hour, you have 2 options. 1. Wait for an age for the lifts (and I was already late) or 2. Brave the 193 steps up to ground level. I gulped, guess it was option two.

At about step 60, I realised I had indeed run with the incorrect choice. As I finally reached the top, I was grateful for the blast of cold air at the entrance. I composed myself, while trying to subtly catch my breath and waft my shirt to stop me sweating (I know, hold yourselves back gents, I’m just too irresistible). My eyes scanned the entrance, looking for a familiar face, when suddenly my eyes stuck on a guy leaning against one of the entrance pillars…. Ok, so, he did look like his pictures, if not better. 6’2, tall, tanned, leather jacket and all that hair.

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And here was me, sweaty in nude court heels. Joey noticed me and walked over. Shit, not even time for a quick make up touch up. Oh well, I guess sweaty me would have to do. “Hi B” he said and leaned in for hug, I stepped back and waved (yes waved). A hug would definitely give away the fact I had just run up 193 steps. He eyed me a little strangely. “Hi” I smiled back, trying to avoid looking mental.

We walked over to the Diner together and I noticed that Joey kept standing to the left of me. “Everything okay?” I asked. “Is that not my good side?”. He shuffled slightly. “I’m actually partially deaf” he murmured. Of course! I thought to myself, he had been in the army. He had joked over whats app, but I was never sure when he was being serious or not. My words fumbled out an apology, but he was really sweet and took it in his stride. This actually made me like him more.

When we arrived at the diner, we ordered food and chatted over burgers and beers. Even though we had talked a lot over message, we still had so much to say and I was having a great date. He complimented me on how much I ate (I basically eat like a boy) and how polite I was. Joey was lovely and we had a lot in common. He also definitely wasn’t quite as much the show off he had been over whats app.

After a lovely dinner, I could tell both of us didn’t really want the date to end. Instead of heading back we walked to a pub in central. We grabbed drinks and found a quiet corner of the pub. The drinks flowed, as did the conversation and the cheeky Joey that has chatted over message seemed to come out more. He teased me and made cheeky jokes. It wasn’t really fair that he was that hot and funny. I am pretty much 100% sure, I spent the date looking like this…

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Playing it cool as always…

When the bell for final orders rang, I was shocked at how quickly time had passed. Joey and I left the pub together and decided to walk back to the tube station. As we walked back, it was evident we were both feeling a little drunk. We were flirting massively and I was kind of hoping that there was a first date kiss on the way, I was way too nervous to make the first move so instead kept playfully pushing him (like an overgrown seven year old, smooth again).

We finally cut through a quiet road, to the tube station, when out of no where and quite happily to my surprise – Joey suddenly grabbed hold of me and kissed me. Now when I say kissed me, it was no boring, awkward first kiss date. This was hands in hair (well hands all over), pushed up against the wall amazing first date kiss. And there is was, the thing we all claim to seek…

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The rare spark!

After our kiss, I was a little speechless, I have only had two kisses like that so it was kind of unexpected. We joked on the way back to the tube and Joey walked me to my platform.

“I really want to see you again” said Joey, as the train pulled into the platform. I smirked at him.

“Maybe” I teased (I was for sure lying). “I’m not sure I had a good time”

He laughed and kissed me good-bye, there it was again….

 

As I headed home on the tube, people stared at me as I sat grinning like a cheshire cat . After 6 months with Oscar, I had never felt a spark or chatted so much. In one date with Joey, I had done all of that and was excited to see him again. It was such a lovely start. I thought about our next date and remembered that I also had a date lined up the following week, eeek! I would have to cancel.

Little did I know, there was a reason that everything was so sparky with Joey, plus find out more about the super surgeon date and why Joey and I were to go out with as much of a bang as we went in with.

Thanks for reading again!

B x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to handle heartbreak…

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So guys, following my post on Oscar, I thought it quite apt to write about somewhere we have all checked into at some stage in our lives; Heartbreak Hotel.

Although breaking up with Oscar was sad, I would never have described it as true “heart break”. However, recently, I experienced my first heartbreak (I know, sad right? Someone queue Alicia Keyes “If I ain’t got you” so I can be dramatic please).

My recent break up was not a normal or a pleasant ending (in fact, one of the worst stories I have to date) so I think I’m in a fair place to offer advice and as such I wanted to share things that have helped me and talk about a subject that is rarely breached openly.

I hope if you are experiencing a rough time, this helps!

Enjoy x (P.s. as this is a pretty sad subject I added Simpson’s meme’s because … well… who isn’t cheered up by Homer?)

The Initial Shock

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The initial shock of a break up can leave us feeling a little numb and in a daze. Whether you are the bigger part of the broken heart, the decision maker, if there is extremely bad blood or otherwise; the removal of a big part of your life will leave a gaping hole. Whether it’s the morning text, the cute memes, the kiss goodnight; the initial removal of that special someone is a little bit like an electric shock. At a big horrible high voltage electric shock.

My advice; let it sink in! I made the mistake of making myself incredibly busy and ignoring what had happened, the sooner you allow things to sink in, the sooner you start to work through it. I promise, the constant high volts of shock soon wear off and are less powerful.

Never under any circumstances disregard your feelings or let others 

I am guilty of being incredibly hard on myself, I am impatient by nature and as such expect to feel better almost immediately. The reality of this is similar to above, if you disregard your feelings or rush them you are not giving your emotions credit or space and therefore not dealing with them.

Whether your heartbreak is following 6 months, 6 years or 60 years (I’m good for the 60 by the way, thanks Hun) it does not matter. Your feelings are your feelings and shouldn’t be discredited for an amount of time, a circumstance or discredited by anyone. Cry when you need to and smile when you can.

In my experience getting under someone has never helped me get over anything…

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Once the initial shock has worn off, I’m pretty sure this is something we have all being guilty of (if not, hats off to you). Whether you’ve knee jerk reacted and had a one night stand (check out our pod cast on one night stands – becauseysheblogs.com/podcasts) or rekindled with an ex (who was likely a moron in the first place) in my experience the brief “feel good” feeling soon wears off and you are left feeling worse than you did in the first place. My advice; give yourself a break – don’t seek comfort that is superficial. Spend time with your friend and leave the fun for when you’re in the right place for it!

Cut the contact

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As difficult as this is (and it is!), if the decision has been made to no longer be with a certain person, you are going to make your life a lot easier by actually not being with them. As challenging as it may be, it is healthier and easier for you to continue healing.

So my advice, delete the number, delete the pictures and (the biggie) – delete their social media! Social media stalking (we’ve all done it) is detrimental, particularly if you have an overactive anxious brain. What starts off as a harmless snoop leads to you being months deep into Gemma from his offices Instagram, you’ve mentally married them off and now want to jump out of the window (No? Just me?).

On a serious note, no good can come of contact. Focus your energies on you and continue moving on.

Don’t stress if eating is an issue 

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Has anyone heard of the break up diet? It is the most effective weight loss programme out there (unhealthiest way to lose weight but cloud, silver lining and all that). With my anxiety, as soon as I hit any form of stressful situation my appetite depletes almost immediately, so when heartbreak hit, it was a real struggle. I also speak to a lot of friends who have the complete opposite reaction and basically eat the world let alone their feelings. My advice; don’t be too hard on yourself eat what you can, when you can and try and fill your body with the right fuel. (Check out my post on self love as to how my diet has helped support my mood)

Rose tinted glasses syndrome

As time passes, you start to look back favourably and longingly at the past. You remember the good times and your brain (bad brain) tricks you into seeing the relationship as perfect and putting the person you miss on a pedestal.

NOTE : DO NOT BE TRICKED BY BAD BRAIN

There is a reason that you are no longer with this person (whether it currently feels that way or not). If you are anything like me, when my brain wanders off down this path, I do a mental check on two things. Firstly, I make a stern mental check on the reasons I am now far better off (the positive thought process). If you are not feeling particularly positive towards the said individual, the second list I find helpful is what you don’t like about that person (rather than the rose tinted glasses view). This can be easy if you have suffered being cheated on or something particularly terrible, but if you are struggling to find something, dig deep, maybe things like the way they chewed with their mouth open or them wearing Super Dry when it’s not longer 2007 – you wouldn’t want to put your future children through witnessing those outfits, would you? It’s basically child abuse.

On a serious note, if you hold no resentment towards that person, my advice would be to look on your past as an experience as a lesson (positive or negative) and keep moving forward.

Ride it out

 

The picture says it all… I have no words. Some days I was left Bart, other days right Bart. Keep going, the swings will decline.

Surround yourself with happiness

Surrounding yourself with positivity is key. Whether that is time with great friends, doing the things you love, pampering yourself or even just lying in bed with a pizza. Make positive affirmations in your life and cut any negativity. I have even found that things like putting a new plant in the house, playing happy music and just taking a second to breathe have all helped, all of the little things soon add up.

“Time is a healer”

Okay, so I straight up wanted to punch everyone square in the face who said this to me (note. do not punch wise old Grandma in the face). Unfortunately it’s true, time is a healer. Keep on doing you and the rest will fall into place.

Don’t look back 

As time passes, the desire to look back will become less and less to the point that you will no longer want to at all (trust me, it’s liberating).

Scars of a broken heart won’t ever heal completely, but don’t let that stop you from putting your heart back out there. Remember, if you can love someone who didn’t deserve your love so much, imagine how much you’re going to love the right one.

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Thanks for reading.

B x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Google Guy and the Weekend away…

So before I continue, a bit of a heads up that this part of the story may be a little sadder than the rest. Although a little upsetting, this post focusses on what can happen when you bottle things up, how timing is everything and why you should always be true to yourself when dating. Enjoy! …

I stared at my phone, half of me wanting to read my messages, but half of me also definitely not wanting to read my messages. I had a similar feeling to that of dropping your mobile phone hard on the ground, screen down and the slow dramatic reveal – will it be smashed to pieces, will it not, will I have destroyed my dignity and look cray, will I not? Similar right?

I started to flick through the messages. First thing first, blue ticks, all read. I gulped, whatever I had said couldn’t be taken back now. All of my messages were to Oscar. As I read through, the coherency of my messages were surprising, although it was kind of like all of my doubts about our relationship had come out in one drunken message…

 

“I feel like we aren’t really on the same page…”

“I’m not sure we are compatible…”

“I don’t feel secure…”

“You are such a grown up and I’m not…”

“I don’t really know what this is…”

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Drunk Causey definitely hadn’t had my back.

Although I felt my questions were fair to ask four months in. The format in which I had addressed them really hadn’t done me any favours, plus, he hadn’t replied. Maybe drunk me had made the choice about Oscar and I’s future in one go. I put my phone down and sighed. Although I had my doubts, I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I wanted it to end with Oscar and was a little scared I may not have a choice in the matter moving forward.

I don’t know how other girls/guys feel but sometimes waiting on a message back can feel like an eternity. I busied myself around the house and went to the gym. I left my phone in the bedroom, so I couldn’t be tempted to check. I always hide my phone if I am waiting on a message, as if hiding it helps. “Yes phone, go and sit on your own in my room and think about what you have done”. Finally, my phone beeped and I begrudgingly read Oscar’s response;

“Hey B. Didn’t expect the above. Hope you’re okay, I had no idea you were feeling this way, you really should have talked to me” (He was right there). “Of course we are together, I am certainly not dating anyone else if that is what you mean. I was actually going to ask if you wanted to get away from the city next weekend on a little weekend break away?”

Phew, he didn’t think I was cray and if he did, at least he was being kind about my little outburst. We brushed over my drunk messages and started to chat about the weekend away. Although I was relieved that Oscar hadn’t had a complete allergic reaction to my message, something still didn’t sit quite right. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, Oscar was attractive, kind, in great job, we had great sex, he was mature and we had spent the last few months having fun. But I just didn’t feel that spark (pod cast on “the spark” to come). I could imagine Oscar making me extremely happy, but I could never see me sat on his shoulders at a festival or him ripping my clothes off and having crazy drunk sex (sorry but it was true). My brain imagined me spending my next Sunday’s having filtered coffee, watching “Morning Brunch” and I felt immediately petrified at the thought. I wasn’t a grown up yet! You couldn’t make me be!

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I halted my turbo brain before getting ahead of myself. No, Oscar was a nice guy. I would see how our weekend away went before flying off to never never land…

The week flew and before I knew it, Oscar pulled up at my apartment the following Saturday morning. I looked out of the window to see him get out of the car. Why was he so hot? Ray-banned up, in a cute shirt, stood next to his brand new convertible BMW M3, waiting for me. What was wrong with me? Why was I so unsure of this great guy. I told my brain to not over think things and grabbed my luggage. As I headed out, I caught myself in the mirror and my outfit surprised me… I actually looked kind of preppy (which for anyone who knows me, knows this is not my style). Surely, I wasn’t dressing subconsciously different around Oscar? I shook my head (shaking away the thoughts), that was silly. But deep down, I knew it was true.

On the drive to Kent, Oscar and I chatted about our weeks; work, meeting friends, gym etc. Chatting with Oscar was pleasant but it all just felt so high level and in the time we had been together, I realised we had never really had any deep conversations about anything. It was always about work or nights out, so high level, like a chat I would have with a colleague. He didn’t really like art, or music, writing or anything that I loved. On the two hour drive to Kent, there were a few awkward silences, of which I could tell both of us felt…

When we finally arrived at the lodge in Kent, the sun was shining and my mood perked. We had a cute little cabin and were in the middle of the beautiful countryside. We lugged our bags inside and lay on the bed, tired from the journey. As you can imagine, lying on a bed in a cute little lodge in the middle of nowhere is likely to lead to one thing… I don’t really know how to describe the sex with Oscar, it was good sex, but that was kind of my struggle it was good solid sex (god this sounds awful complaining about good sex). But it was never adventurous, never different and he was never going to be the guy to get me through the door and passionately rip my clothes off.

After settling into the cabin (if that is how you describe it), a walk round the countryside and neighbouring village, we headed out for dinner. As we chatted over dinner, I began to notice the short awkward silences were becoming longer, I could tell both Oscar was noticing them as well. We both tried to make an effort, but it felt so forced. Oscar even cracked an out of character joke, which took me aback. Like a nerd, I cracked a joke back and came out with the classic Inbetweeners…

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It was met with a blank stare and Oscar looking slightly confused. Okay, so he didn’t watch Inbetweener’s. This wasn’t the first time Oscar hadn’t quite been on the same level with my sense of humour. I shuffled uncomfortably in my chair and we sat in another awkward silence…

“So” I started, trying to fill the silence void (again). “What are the plans next weekend?” I asked.

“Oh, I am meeting my friend Alex for drinks” Oscar replied. Oscar talked about Alex a lot and to date, I still hadn’t met him. “If you ever meet him….” Oscar continued to chat but it blurred into background noise. The word if hung in the air. He still wasn’t sure if he wanted me to meet his best friend. In that moment, I realised that Oscar was as unsure as me on the future of us and my heart sank a little. It was hard to accept, but I could feel the end was coming.

Following a lovely weekend and a long (if not slightly awkward) journey home, we arrived back at Oscar’s place. The silences were now deafening. We spent the evening at his place but it was becoming clear we were starting to agitate one another. That night, Oscar and I had our first (and only) ever fight. It erupted over the smallest issue but  that numerous things came out, that had built up over time for both of us and it was then clear we were not in the same place. The remainder of the evening was awkward and the next morning I was relieved to head to work and further relieved that Oscar was away for a few days with work.

Through the course of the week, Oscar and I barely messaged. When Oscar got back to London from his work trip, we chatted over the phone and finally called it a day. I won’t go too much into detail here as being honest, our break up wasn’t overly dramatic just a little sad. Safe to say, I can’t say that about some of the guys as you will soon discover…

Although towards the end it was glaringly obvious we weren’t meant to be, it is always sad when something comes to an end (particularly if the other person is lovely). But I knew, that around him I was never truly myself and as wonderful as Oscar had seemed on paper, I couldn’t force it. In fact my time with him actually helped me learn you can’t force feelings (nor can you force yourself to not feel as I unfortunately learn further down the line).

Although things with Oscar weren’t right, break ups are always tough and I have a post coming this week on how to handle heartbreak, although I’m certainly no expert. (FYI, Oscar was not heart break but felt it relevant to post this week). I took a couple of months out after Oscar and I split, to spend time with friends and re-coup my thoughts.

Coming up, I never would have thought that in my first few dates back being single, I would meet the complete opposite of Oscar and find things I had always wished he could give. Get ready to meet the super surgeon Sam and embark on the turbulent journey that is Joey …

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and join me as I realise you should be careful what you wish for…

Thanks for reading again!

B

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