Hi guys, thanks for coming back after hearing about the dildo disaster, trust me, you wont believe this but it gets funnier and more surreal as well as a little more serious at times too.
As much as I don’t like to write serious posts, with some of my story, it’s the right thing to do and I hope will raise awareness as to how we allow (our more how we shouldn’t allow) ourselves to be treated. I always want to write with transparency as my blog isn’t about projecting a perfect life that we see on Instagram but more the reality, the highs and lows and the mistakes we make that define the people we become.
Anyways, sorry to get all DMC (deep meaningful convo for reference) on you, but wanted I to explain as we go further into the story.
Anywho, the next part of my story is where my faith became restored (even if only briefly) in dating and talks about how sometimes we need to give ourselves the space to breathe before we move on as sometimes it can end in disaster. But something end in disaster for me again, surely not? Enjoy …
After the dildo disaster, I was adamant that I wasn’t going to let this hump in road (no pun intended) stop me from getting back on track. I had spent a couple of months trying to understand the abrupt ending between Joey and I had come to and just when I had started to get over that hill when
Like they do, he had come back in and fucked everything up again. Don’t they quite have that tendency ladies? Luckily, following my confrontation with Joey, his messages had lessened, I hoped eventually to nothing
If I wanted sex toys, I had a local Anne Summers. Thanks.
Anywhooo, at this point, my chipped heart had made me into a woman on a bit of a mission. I had knee jerk reacted (which we have all been guilty of) and had gone back on Tinder (gulp) with out taking a bit of time to breathe…
Because, you know, I was so totally over what happened. Totally so over it… Overrrrr it. Totally.
As the matches piled up (believe me not in an arrogant way). I swiped through each one and found myself picking fault.
- Unfunny bio – unmatched
- Bad t shirt – unmatched
- Don’t know how tall he is but looks short and I’m 5″1 so can obviously judge – unmatched
The list of silly and judgemental reasons that I unmatched with potentially nice guys went on and on. At the time although I couldn’t see it, I was probably still pretty hurt by Joey’s actions, the signs were clearly there that I wasn’t quite ready to date, but none the less was fairly determined to not let the last disaster hold me back.
As I swiped and was becoming further underwhelmed, a message popped through from a guy that I had survived my unrealistic grim-reaper like cull.
DUNCAN: Hi Rebecca, how are you today?
I flicked through his pictures and bio. What a hottie! Joey who…? (jokes – we were not over Joey in any way shape or form at this point). Duncan looked tall, in amazing shape, dressed well and was incredibly handsome and as we started to chat I realised was actually a pretty cool person too.
Duncan worked in Creative advertising as a retoucher and as the conversation continued his creativity and passion not just about his work but about everything that he did shone through. We talked about work, interests, friends, life… basically everything. I remember thinking how refreshing it was to speak to a guy that seemed to have a passion outside of drinking with his mates all weekend and going on dates in Dirty Martini.
After chatting for a couple of days, swapping Instagram’s, what’s apps etc. (standard dating app etiquette) and basically clarifying that neither party are a psychopath (note. it turns out you can’t clarify this even when you think you know someone, but that’s a story later down the line – look out for it), Duncan asked me out on our first date. Now with a first date, I’ve got to be honest, my usual expectations and suggestions are drinks or maybe a quick bite to eat somewhere, so, I was a little surprised when Duncan suggested Sushi Samba as a first date. For anyone who doesn’t know about this place, click the link, it is a rather nice place to go for drinks or food in general, let alone a first date. I agreed and looked forward to our date later in the week.
The next evening, I was due to meet a few friends. In my old apartment (which I miss dearly) we had the biggest balcony where we spent most of the summer. Relaxing in the sun and chatting with my peoples was (and still is) one of my favourite things in the world (I just record it now – check out our podcasts!). Our stories always seemed to relate back to dating (this is inclusive of my guys friends too – who seem to have the same struggles as us ladies!)
As we chatted, I told the guys about the date lined up with Duncan. Everyone seemed impressed at the first date location and we did what all girls do and reviewed one another’s tinders.
It’s a thing.
“He is cute” said one of the girls “Although he doesn’t teeth smile in any of the pics” (Teeth smile also a thing). I stopped and looked, she was right he didn’t. Oh no. My brain suddenly had images of the gorgeous Duncan walking over to me in Sushi Samba and hitting me with this…
As the culling scythe was firmly resting on my shoulder a lot at that time. My response was simple.
“That’s true” I agreed “I probably shouldn’t go on the date” (logic prevails).
The group rolled their eyes. I had been like this a lot since Joey, avoiding dates and just talking to guys in general. One of my friends was still pretty mad about a blind date she had set up that I had cancelled a little close to the call (an hour or so is okay right?) and snapped
“B, you are going on this date, so help me god, I will drag you there myself”
I sheepishly agreed. Another one of my friends piped up.
“B, do you not think you’r avoiding dating because you’re not really over Joey yet, maybe you should relax”
“No” I replied defensively “Of course I’m over Joey and of course I am going on the date”
See, totally over it…
As the date night came round and I headed over to Sushi Samba, I was incredibly nervous and I had no idea why, I obviously do now, but at the time I put it down to the fact that Duncan was probably going to have teeth worthy of Jeremy Kyle episode. As I jumped off the tube and headed over to Samba tower, I received a message from him.
DUNCAN: I’m at Liverpool Street station. Where shall I meet you?
Well, no time like the present. I responded, that I was in Liverpool Street too and within minutes, I recognised Duncan walking towards me. He was as hot as his pictures….. Lord! As he approached, my mind played a little mantra (please have nice teeth, please have nice teeth, please, please, please) – note. I am lol-ing at myself reading this.
“Hello B” he smiled and there they were ….
The most lovely set of pearly whites you have ever seen. His teeth were basically all I could see.
Okay, so now we had established that Duncan was basically a dream boat, my neurotic brain could relax and finally enjoy the date. As soon as Duncan and I started to chat, it was so apparent he was one of the “good guys”. We had so much in common, the conversation flowed and I laughed a lot. Everything about the date (and Duncan) was lovely (even my gut told me he was a nice guy – it was also so right about this, as it is every time remember ladies – listen!). So why, while I sat with this gorgeous, charming, lovely man, eating amazing food looking out over the twinkling city sky, did I feel sad? I sighed, this would literally be any single girls dream and I just wasn’t feeling it. What was wrong with me?! (Turns out nothing wrong with me).
The night continued to be my dream date and after Duncan paying for my dinner and Uber home (yes, ladies honestly and he point blank refused to let me contribute) As I sat on my bed at home I was overwhelmingly disappointed and frustrated that I just didn’t feel anything at all. Duncan was basically my perfect guy and I could tell would be more than kind to me. Why on earth didn’t I spark with him and sparked with some dildo crazed long haired man. Urgh – we always want the bad boys right?
The next day Duncan text me to arrange another date and I begrudgingly explained that I didn’t think it was the best idea. Turns out no matter how perfect someone is, no one can mend hurt, the only person who can do that is you and I had no intention of messing a nice guy around while I fixed that. When you’re not ready, you’re just not ready hey?
Turns out Duncan was as lovely as my gut told me and I would now class him truly as a friend. He is going to make one lucky lady very, very happy (just saying ladies he’s out there- don’t all jump at once).
After my date with Duncan, I took some well needed time out before I got back onto the dating scene and will be sharing a post later this week about when you truly shouldn’t be dating (watch out for it). For anyone reading thinking of rushing back into dating following a chip to the heart, hold off, it’s not worth it – trust me speaking from experience!
After taking a couple of months back for me and a some time off the dating scene, who would have thought a trip to a bar in central would lead me to meeting some one famous, which led to a famously bad date…
Thanks for reading again!