So guys, following my post on Oscar, I thought it quite apt to write about somewhere we have all checked into at some stage in our lives; Heartbreak Hotel.
Although breaking up with Oscar was sad, I would never have described it as true “heart break”. However, recently, I experienced my first heartbreak (I know, sad right? Someone queue Alicia Keyes “If I ain’t got you” so I can be dramatic please).
My recent break up was not a normal or a pleasant ending (in fact, one of the worst stories I have to date) so I think I’m in a fair place to offer advice and as such I wanted to share things that have helped me and talk about a subject that is rarely breached openly.
I hope if you are experiencing a rough time, this helps!
Enjoy x (P.s. as this is a pretty sad subject I added Simpson’s meme’s because … well… who isn’t cheered up by Homer?)
The Initial Shock
The initial shock of a break up can leave us feeling a little numb and in a daze. Whether you are the bigger part of the broken heart, the decision maker, if there is extremely bad blood or otherwise; the removal of a big part of your life will leave a gaping hole. Whether it’s the morning text, the cute memes, the kiss goodnight; the initial removal of that special someone is a little bit like an electric shock. At a big horrible high voltage electric shock.
My advice; let it sink in! I made the mistake of making myself incredibly busy and ignoring what had happened, the sooner you allow things to sink in, the sooner you start to work through it. I promise, the constant high volts of shock soon wear off and are less powerful.
Never under any circumstances disregard your feelings or let others
I am guilty of being incredibly hard on myself, I am impatient by nature and as such expect to feel better almost immediately. The reality of this is similar to above, if you disregard your feelings or rush them you are not giving your emotions credit or space and therefore not dealing with them.
Whether your heartbreak is following 6 months, 6 years or 60 years (I’m good for the 60 by the way, thanks Hun) it does not matter. Your feelings are your feelings and shouldn’t be discredited for an amount of time, a circumstance or discredited by anyone. Cry when you need to and smile when you can.
In my experience getting under someone has never helped me get over anything…
Once the initial shock has worn off, I’m pretty sure this is something we have all being guilty of (if not, hats off to you). Whether you’ve knee jerk reacted and had a one night stand (check out our pod cast on one night stands – becauseysheblogs.com/podcasts) or rekindled with an ex (who was likely a moron in the first place) in my experience the brief “feel good” feeling soon wears off and you are left feeling worse than you did in the first place. My advice; give yourself a break – don’t seek comfort that is superficial. Spend time with your friend and leave the fun for when you’re in the right place for it!
Cut the contact
As difficult as this is (and it is!), if the decision has been made to no longer be with a certain person, you are going to make your life a lot easier by actually not being with them. As challenging as it may be, it is healthier and easier for you to continue healing.
So my advice, delete the number, delete the pictures and (the biggie) – delete their social media! Social media stalking (we’ve all done it) is detrimental, particularly if you have an overactive anxious brain. What starts off as a harmless snoop leads to you being months deep into Gemma from his offices Instagram, you’ve mentally married them off and now want to jump out of the window (No? Just me?).
On a serious note, no good can come of contact. Focus your energies on you and continue moving on.
Don’t stress if eating is an issue
Has anyone heard of the break up diet? It is the most effective weight loss programme out there (unhealthiest way to lose weight but cloud, silver lining and all that). With my anxiety, as soon as I hit any form of stressful situation my appetite depletes almost immediately, so when heartbreak hit, it was a real struggle. I also speak to a lot of friends who have the complete opposite reaction and basically eat the world let alone their feelings. My advice; don’t be too hard on yourself eat what you can, when you can and try and fill your body with the right fuel. (Check out my post on self love as to how my diet has helped support my mood)
Rose tinted glasses syndrome
As time passes, you start to look back favourably and longingly at the past. You remember the good times and your brain (bad brain) tricks you into seeing the relationship as perfect and putting the person you miss on a pedestal.
NOTE : DO NOT BE TRICKED BY BAD BRAIN
There is a reason that you are no longer with this person (whether it currently feels that way or not). If you are anything like me, when my brain wanders off down this path, I do a mental check on two things. Firstly, I make a stern mental check on the reasons I am now far better off (the positive thought process). If you are not feeling particularly positive towards the said individual, the second list I find helpful is what you don’t like about that person (rather than the rose tinted glasses view). This can be easy if you have suffered being cheated on or something particularly terrible, but if you are struggling to find something, dig deep, maybe things like the way they chewed with their mouth open or them wearing Super Dry when it’s not longer 2007 – you wouldn’t want to put your future children through witnessing those outfits, would you? It’s basically child abuse.
On a serious note, if you hold no resentment towards that person, my advice would be to look on your past as an experience as a lesson (positive or negative) and keep moving forward.
Ride it out
The picture says it all… I have no words. Some days I was left Bart, other days right Bart. Keep going, the swings will decline.
Surround yourself with happiness
Surrounding yourself with positivity is key. Whether that is time with great friends, doing the things you love, pampering yourself or even just lying in bed with a pizza. Make positive affirmations in your life and cut any negativity. I have even found that things like putting a new plant in the house, playing happy music and just taking a second to breathe have all helped, all of the little things soon add up.
“Time is a healer”
Okay, so I straight up wanted to punch everyone square in the face who said this to me (note. do not punch wise old Grandma in the face). Unfortunately it’s true, time is a healer. Keep on doing you and the rest will fall into place.
Don’t look back
As time passes, the desire to look back will become less and less to the point that you will no longer want to at all (trust me, it’s liberating).
Scars of a broken heart won’t ever heal completely, but don’t let that stop you from putting your heart back out there. Remember, if you can love someone who didn’t deserve your love so much, imagine how much you’re going to love the right one.
Thanks for reading.